CRACKIN’

CASTLES

READ ALL

ABOUT THE

NASTY

BITS!

First published in the UK by Scholastic, 2016

This edition published 2023

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Text © Terry Deary, 2016, 2023

Illustrations © Martin Brown, 2016, 2023

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INTRODUCTIONp9

1 ad 43 Maiden Castle p13

2 ad 75 Caerleon Fort p16

3 ad 410 Tintagel Castle p19

4 450 Dinas Emrys Fort p22

5 978 Corfe Castle p25

6 1054 Dunsinane Castle p28

7 1066 Hastings Castle p31

8 1069 Durham Castle p35

9 1109 Cilgerran Castle p39

10 1142 Oxford Castle p43

11 1174 Warkworth Castle p46

12 1175 Abergavenny Castle p50

WHAT’S INSIDE?

EXCLUSIVE: Look at The

Saxon Sun’s front page

in the year 978see page 26

FREE: Read the terrible

tale of the not-so-right

Knight see page 55

13 1190 Ludlow Castle p54

14 1190 York Castle p61

15 1215 Rochester Castle p65

16 1220 Beeston Castle p70

17 1224 Bedford Castle p73

18 1301 Caernarfon Castle p76

19 1327 Berkeley Castle p81

20 1368 Bolingbroke Castle p84

21 1371 Lochindorb Castle p88

22 1381 Norwich Castle p92

23 1399 Pontefract Castle p95

24 1403 Radnor Castle p98

25 1440 Threave Castle p102

26 1455 Powderham Castle p106

27 1460 Roxburgh Castle p109

Top 10 Castle Weapons p112

28 1461 Sandal Castle p116

29 1485 Nottingham Castle p119

30 1520s Stirling Castle p123

31 1536 Kimbolton Castle p127

32 1537 Bolton Castle p131

33 1541 Haughton Castle p134

34 1573 Edinburgh Castle p138

35 1580 Muncaster Castle p142

36 1587 Fotheringhay Castle p146

37 1612 Lancaster Castle p151

38 1628 Warwick Castle p154

39 1649 Carisbrooke Castle p157

40 1650 Skibo Castle p161

41 1680 Chepstow Castle p164

42 1688 Derry Castle p168

43 1692 UrqUhart Castle p172

44 1745 Richmond Castle p176

45 1784 Lowther Castle p180

46 1803 Dover Castle p184

47 1831 Cardiff Castle p187

48 1902 Bamburgh Castle p192

49 1916 Dublin Castle p196

50 1941 Tower of London p200

EPILOGUE P205

INTERESTING INDEX p207

40

43

21

6

30

34

27

48

11

33

8

45

25

42

49

35

37

32

44

14

23

28

16

4

18

9

24

29

20

22

36

31

38

17

13

12

41

2

47

19

10

50

15

46

7

39

5

1

26

3

9

INTRODUCTION

I

magine you are a

peasant. You know

the sort of thing …

you’re smelly with

rotten teeth, always

hungry and so poor

you couldn’t even

afford a mobile phone.

(But as they haven’t

been invented that

doesn’t bother you

so much.)

You have to work hard for your dirty, damp,

draughty house and putrid, pukesome, pathetic

food, then you have to pay taxes to the church and

taxes to your lord. If he gets into an argument with

another lord then he’ll force you to fight for him

(if you’re a bloke).

Yes, you have to risk your life for some posh

bloke who isn’t as smelly as you, has nicer teeth

and doesn’t go hungry. If mobile phones had been

invented he’d have one in every room. Don’t you

just hate him?

10

Ooooh, but it makes you angry. If all you peasants

got together you could attack his lordship and share

out all his money. But, if you did, you know his son

would just take over.

And you can’t fight him on horseback because

you don’t have a horse. He does and he can ride

you down.

Plus he has a castle. He can hide inside its walls,

of course … but you, dear peasant, could wait till

it’s dark and use ladders to surprise him.

IT’S KNIGHT AFTER KNIGHT AFTER KNIGHT

IT’S A KNIGHT-MARE

11

Why don’t you give it a go?

Well the first thing you rebels will see as you

shamble up the hill is the castle. And you stop.

It is so very B-I-G. A man who can build a fortress

like that must be a powerful and scary man. Even

if he’s as weak as milky tea his castle makes him

LOOK strong.

The man inside may be about as strong as a wet

lettuce leaf but he isn’t daft. He KNOWS a great

castle makes him scary.

A lot of castles were built to defend a lord’s

land. Many were never attacked and defended.

But their main use was to look forbidding and

menacing. They were there to scare peasants

like you. If you ever felt like rebelling you’d

take one look at the castle and go home to

your miserable, flea-ridden straw bed in your

rat-infested hovel.

IT’S KNIGHT TIME

12

Most castles are gone to ruin these days. Yet

their broken and ruined towers and walls still

look creepsome. We visit them to wonder at the

long-forgotten builders and listen to the long-

remembered tales they have to tell. Many are

horrible tales of blood and butchery, torture and

terror, death … and dung.

Here are the top 50. But be warned. Some are

so scary you may want to read them with your

eyes closed.

MAYBE HAVE A GOOD KNIGHT’S SLEEP, EH?

I COULD SAY YOU SHOULDN’T READ THEM AT

KNIGHT ... BUT I WOULD NEVER CRACK SUCH A FEEBLE

JOKE. NO, HONEST, I WOULDN’T

13

T

his is Britain’s

oldest and biggest

fortress. The Britons

of the Iron Age dug a

circular ditch around

a hilltop and piled up

a mound. (Mounds

around are called

‘ramparts’.) If an

enemy attacked

then the ramparts

slowed them down.

The defenders

battered any attacker

with stones fired

from slings.

1

MAIDEN CASTLE

AD 43

14

Terrible Tale

In ad 43 the Romans arrived … and showed just

how feeble mighty hillforts like Maiden Castle

really were. They captured them one after another.

The Brits stood on the ramparts to drive them back.

The Romans had a machine that fired hundreds of

iron-tipped arrows. The defenders hid or ran away

… wouldn’t you?

Many of the British tribes surrendered to

the Romans. But in North West London were

the Catuvellauni tribe led by Togodumnus and

Caratacus. They decided to stand and fight. The

Romans shot the Brit warriors’ horses from under

them. Togodumnus was killed. Sensible Caratacus

ran away to fight another day.

PHEW!

ALFRED’S ARROWS

OUR PRICES AIMTO SHOOT

OUR COMPETITORS DOWN

15

DID YOU KNOW…?

There’s not a lot of burial at ancient British hillforts.

Why not?

• The Brits probably took all the flesh off the corpse

• OR left the flesh to rot away

• OR let the flesh be eaten away by wild animals.

Then the bones were carried away. Do NOT try this

on your teacher ... at least not while they’re still alive.

The Legend

An archaeologist said that the Romans attacked

Maiden Castle and butchered the men, women

and children. A dozen corpses of chopped chaps,

chapesses and children have been dug up. But they

may not have died there. Not many people believe

this story now.

Well, make your mind up!

It doesn’t matter dear,

we’re still dead

16

T

he Romans drove

the British west

to Wales and built

camps – ‘chesters’ – at

strong places along the

way. In South Wales,

in ad 75 they built

Caerleon. It wasn’t

just a defence against

the Wild Welsh. There

was comfort and fun

for the Roman soldiers

with hot baths and an

arena where gladiators

fought wild animals

to the death.

2

CAERLEON FORT

AD 75

Terrible Tale

Caratacus had run away

from his tribe in England. He

began to stir up the Silures

tribe down in South Wales.

He attacked Roman supply

wagons to feed his army.

17

But some neighbouring tribes had made friends

with the Romans – tribes like the Dobunni. So

Caratacus robbed and murdered them too. He was

one of the first Welsh heroes – even though he

wasn’t Welsh.

DID YOU KNOW…?

There is a stone carved at Caerleon – a prayer to

the two Roman rulers of Britain, Caracalla and

Geta. But the name of Geta has been hacked out.

Why? Because the brothers fell out. The brothers

had gone back to Rome where they divided the

Emperor’s palace in half and blocked up any

doorways between the two parts. On 25 December

ad 211 Caracalla said, ‘Let’s meet in my half of the

palace.’ His brother Geta was greeted by soldiers

who butchered him. Their mother had come to

keep the peace and Geta died in her arms – he

was always her favourite.

18

Caracalla said…

Caracalla set about exterminating all of Geta’s

supporters – some reports claim 12,000 were

slaughtered.

The Legend

The emperor Caracalla stopped on a journey to

have a pee in a ditch. One of his guards lunged

forward and killed Caracalla with a single blow. He

was ‘caught with his pants down’ – or his toga up.

And Caratacus? He begged

the queen of another tribe

to shelter him. She had

him bound in

chains and

handed him over

to her friends …

the Romans.

I had to kill him because

he was plotting to kill me

Well don’t expect me

to clean up this mess

At least it’s

better than

dying for a wee!

19

I

n ad 410 the Romans

left Britain to defend

Rome and never came

back. The Celts ruled

and built their own

fortresses … places

like Tintagel in the

west. It was nothing

special till a monk

called Geoffrey of

Monmouth wrote a

history of Britain and

claimed that King

Arthur was born there.

3

TINTAGEL CASTLE

AD 410

Terrible Tale

The old stories say Arthur protects Britain from

danger. Some of the dangers are human, but

many are ghastly and ghostly. He fights giant

cat-monsters, terrible boars, dragons, warriors

with the heads of dogs, giants, and witches.

20

DID YOU KNOW…?

Tintagel Castle in Cornwall is on a bleak point in

the Atlantic, but could have been built there to

guard a harbour where foreign ships landed with

rich goods to trade.

There was some sort of fort on the rock in Roman

times. When Geoffrey of Monmouth said Arthur

was born on that spot, the local people went and

built a castle there. Now the legend of Arthur draws

almost 200,000 tourists to Tintagel every year.

It was quite useless when it was built. But in

1588 the Spanish Armada was sailing to invade

Britain and it made a good lookout point.

Yes, but not all

at the same time

21

The Legend

King Arthur STILL guards Britain. In a secret cave

he lies asleep with his knights. When Britain is in

danger he will wake up and save the country.

Underneath Tintagel Castle there is a cave where

the king’s friend, Merlin the Magician, is said to live

to this day.

MEOW

M

erlin is also

said to have

been in the mountains

of Wales. The Romans

had gone but the new

invaders of England

were the Savage Saxons.

That’s why Brit King

Vortigern had to run

away and build a

fortress in Wales –

Dinas Emrys.

4

DINAS EMRYS FORT

450

Terrible Tale

Right lads, this

looks like a good spot.

Build me a castle

23

But every night when

the work stopped...

Oh no, me tower fell

down. Get it built

up again lads

But every time it

was built by day,

it fell by night

Vortigern’s men brought

back young Merlin – the

boy who would grow to be

a famous magician

No, wait, don’t kill

me. Killing me will

not stop your castle

falling down. he’s a

stupid wise man

Right lads, give him the

chop

Nasty

After a couple of weeks

Vortigern decided to ask

a wise old man to help...

So, why does my tower

keep falling down?

An old Welsh custom

says a new house must

have a blood sacrifice.

Sometimes a human

victim is walled up

alive

Sometimes they are

killed and their blood

mixed with the cement.

But the blood must be

the blood of an innocent

fatherless boy

Right lads,

find me

an innocent

fatherless

boy

24

Listen. Beneath this

ground there is a pool.

And in the pool there are

two dragons, one red and

one white. Every night

they fight and that’s what

brings the tower down

So, what

can we do

about it?

The red dragon is Wales,

the white dragon is Saxon

England. When the red

dragon defeats the white

then peace will return

Oh, so all we have to do is

defeat the Saxons. Right lads,

off to fight the Saxons...

DID YOU KNOW…?

The British really did defeat the Saxons in battles

at that time - and when Dinas Emrys was dug up

in the 1950s they really did find a deep pool.

The Legend

Before Merlin left he buried a cauldron full of

gold beneath Dinas Emrys. Over the mouth of

the cave he rolled a huge stone, which he covered

up with earth and green turf, so that it is impossible

for anyone to find it. This treasure was meant for

some special person in a future generation. This

special person will be a youth with yellow hair

and blue eyes.

25

T

he Saxons defeated

the British and

ruled England. But the

Vikings invaded and

took over the North-

eastern half of England.

It was known as

Danelaw … because

the Danish Vikings

made the laws. King

Alfred the Great made

peace with them, but

then he died – which

was a big mistake.

That left the Saxons

to squabble over

his kingdom in the

south – Wessex.

5

CORFE CASTLE

978

I’m dead and I’d still be

better at running Wessex

than this lot

Terrible Tale

Edgar had been a strong ruler but, like Alfred, he

did a stupid thing and died. He was just 32 and

his son, Edward, was about 13 when he took the

throne, poor lad. Then HE died just three years

later at Corfe Castle. If there had been newspapers

in his day they may have reported his death …

THE

SAXON

Sun

Y

oung King Edward died

at Corfe Castle today. He

was about fifteen years old and

had enemies for all of his short

reign. The enemies said he was

too young, yet they have replaced

him with his brother Ethelred

the Unready who is only ten. The

Saxon Sun asks, ‘If Eddie wasn’t

ready then how could Unready

be ready?’ (If you see what we

mean.) The bad-tempered King

Ed was visiting Ethelred in Corfe

Castle when the death happened.

Ethelred’s ministers were

waiting for the king and, as

he started to get down from

his horse, they stabbed him

to death tn tried to burn

the body.

Some reports say the

king’s mother watched her son

being murdered. Others say she

was one of the killers. Ethelred

has already said he will take the

crown but will not punish the

killers.

EDWARD DEADED

WHAT OUR SAXON CELEBRITIES SAID ABOUT ED. PAGES 3 TO 42

FREE

RUBBISH

WITH OUR DOUBLE YOUR

GARBAGE OFFER

18 March 978

Unpopular Ed

27

DID YOU KNOW…?

Ethelred went on to be one of Britain’s worst kings.

He tried to pay the Vikings to go away – giving

them gold weighing 10,000 kilos in the year 991 –

so they kept coming back. Who can blame them?

The Legend

Chronicles said ‘A cloud as red as blood’ was

seen after Ethelred was crowned – it appeared at

midnight and vanished at dawn – it was a sign that

God was angry. King Edward’s body was thrown

into a swamp. It didn’t sink – a miracle. Edward

(the vicious and cruel lad) became a saint. But a

dead one, of course.

Hello Goodbye Hello

28

T

he Viking King

Canute ruled all

of England and made

Scotland obey him

too. Duncan became

Scottish king and in

1039 and marched

south to attack England.

When he reached

Durham his army was

beaten, thumped and

thrashed. Oh dear.

That did not make

him popular back

home in Scotland so

his cousin, Lord

Macbeth, met him

in battle and Duncan

was killed. Macbeth

became king in 1040.

6

DUNSINANE CASTLE

1054

WHERE’S IT GONE?

YOU CAN NOT BEAT

CANUTE

29

Terrible Tale

In 1054 Macbeth was attacked by an army of

English, Vikings and the Scottish prince Malcolm.

Macbeth was beaten at Dunsinane Castle and had

to give up a lot of his land to Malcolm.

How do you defeat a king in his castle? Five

hundred and fifty years later the writer William

Shakespeare turned Macbeth’s story into a play …

though Shakespeare got a lot of his facts wrong

because he hadn’t read his Horrible Histories books.

Shakespeare’s play says Macbeth met three

witches who told him his future. They said:

Macbeth thought he was safe. Birnam Wood

could never march against him … could it?

But (the play says) Malcolm’s army cut down

lots of branches and hid behind them as they crept

towards Dunsinane Castle. The defenders (who

must have been asleep or needed their eyes testing)

Macbeth shall never

vanquished be, until

great Birnam Wood to

high Dunsinane shall

come against him

Crikey

30

didn’t see them until it was too late and the castle

was captured.

Now you know how to attack a castle. Use

camouflage.

Malcolm was back three years later and met

Macbeth in a battle in the north of Scotland and

killed him.

DID YOU KNOW…?

‘Dunsinane’ means ‘hill of ants’. Would you like to

live on top of an anthill?

The Legend

If you want to make a magic spell, like

Shakespeare’s witches, then take a pot and

boil up …

Eye of newt and toe of frog,

Wool of bat and tongue of dog,

Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting,

Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing

T

he Vikings moved

south and grabbed

land in the north of

France where they

were known as the

‘North Men’ … or

‘Norman’ for short.

The Normans were

great castle builders

… they needed to be

because nobody liked

them much. In 1066

their leader, William

the Conqueror, landed

on the south coast of

England and defeated

the English King Harold

at the Battle of Hastings.

7

HASTINGS CASTLE

1066

It’s the final show down

H THE EPIC BATTLE H

Who will win?

WILL vs HARRY

Tonight @ 9 on channel 0

32

I’m not afraid of death,

I just don’t want to be

there when it happens

Terrible Tale

When the Normans landed near Hastings they found

the Saxons waiting for them at the top of Senlac Hill.

The knights weren’t very keen on charging up the

hill … the Saxons were big blokes with swords and

battle-axes and the poor Normans could get hurt.

There is a legend (which may even be true) that a

juggler called Taillefer told them there was nothing

to worry about. He rode in front of the English

army and sang a song about a French hero ... and

juggled his sword at the same time. Clever chap.

JUGGLER 4 HIRE

Skills include: throwing,

catching, balancing and

annoying enemy armies

33

That annoyed an English knight who rode out

to attack him. Taillefer killed him. He then led

William the Conqueror’s troops into the Battle of

Hastings. The Norman historian, Wace, said …

Brave chap. He was swallowed up by the English

army and hacked to pieces. Dead brave.

A minstrel named Taillefer went in front of the Norman

army, singing and juggling with his sword while the troops

marched behind singing the Song of Roland.

Watch the

ears, mate

THE NORMAN WAS NO MORE

34

DID YOU KNOW…?

Hastings was the first castle the Normans built

on English soil. But it was made in France. The

Normans carried the pieces across the English

Channel and put the kit bits together when they

landed.

William the Conqueror became king and dished out

England to his knights. They spread out and started

ruling their lands. The great age of castle-building

had begun. The first ones were made of wood but

in time they were replaced

with stone.

The Legend

A ghostly image of Hastings Castle can be seen

floating above the sea, with flags flying just as

they would have hundreds of years ago.

Rampart top ‘A’ is meant

to slot into palisade

back ‘D’ – you’ve got your

parapets upside down!

35

8

DURHAM CASTLE

1069

T

he Normans didn’t

rule England

without a struggle.

William the Conqueror

gave the job of ruling

Durham to the Earl

of Northumberland,

Robert Comyn, who

began to build his castle

near the cathedral. He

was a ruthless man and

the Durham people

feared for their lives.

It was kill or be killed.

BILL’S BUTCHERS

We sell chicken,

beef, lamb and ...

dur! Ham!

36

Terrible Tale

Simeon, a monk of Durham, reported:

The bishop of Durham told the earl, Robert

Comyn, to stay away because rebels wanted

to kill him. Comyn ignored the advice and

entered Durham with seven hundred men,

determined to punish the rebels. Any man

who raised a weapon against a Norman

was butchered.

Then, very early on the morning of 31

January, the rebels broke in through all the

gates, and running through the city hither

and thither they killed the earl’s men. So

many were killed that every street was

covered with blood, and filled with bodies.

The blood that flowed in the streets was

frozen by the bitter January winds.

Brutal

Cold

37

DID YOU KNOW…?

King William waited till September. His avenging

force reached Northallerton, north of York ... then

were turned back by a miracle (the Durham people

said). The Norman army marched into a thick fog

(sent by God probably). The Normans panicked

and turned back. Durham was saved.

But the truth is an invading Danish army landed

on the Yorkshire coast – the Normans turned back

to deal with the invaders first. Durham had not

been saved for long.

William didn’t just want to defeat the north – he

The earl himself held out in a house near

Palace Green so the rebels set it on fire. Of

those persons who were within it some were

burnt and some were slaughtered as soon

as they stepped outside. The earl was put to

death along with all of his followers, except

for one, who escaped wounded.

Lucky

38

wanted to destroy it. Every building his soldiers

came across was burned. Every animal was killed

so there was nothing left for the people to eat.

Every man and boy they found was hacked to

death – their corpses were left to rot by the side of

the roads. The starving survivors were so desperate

they ate the corpses to stay alive. William’s ruthless

revenge was known as ‘The Harrying of the North’.

The north was like a desert. The towns and

villages were still struggling to recover twenty years

later. The north certainly didn’t revolt again. The

Conqueror’s cruelty worked.

Yet there’s a curious story that, twenty years after

the destruction as William lay dying, the king said

he was sorry it had happened.

The Legend

Simeon wrote:

When rebels set fire to Comyn’s castle, sparks

flew upwards and caught the western tower

of the cathedral. The people knelt down and

begged their saint, St. Cuthbert, to save his

church from burning; and immediately a

wind arose from the east which drove the

flames backwards from the church.

Phew!

39

T

he Normans spread

west and began to

conquer Wales. Some

of the princes there

made peace and

married into Norman

families. William the

Conqueror died in

1087. Welsh princes

like Rhys ap Tewdwr

were defeated – and he

had his head lopped off.

Rhys’s head was still

rolling on the ground

when his daughter, Nest,

married a Norman lord,

Gerald of Windsor. Nest

was a Welsh princess

who was famous for

her beauty.

9

CILGERRAN CASTLE

1109

RHYS IS IN PIECES!

40

Terrible Tale

Nest lived here with her husband Gerald, but the

bold adventurer Owain ap Cadwgan heard of her

beauty and went to visit her. He was so smitten by

her beauty he decided to kidnap her

Just like

that? How

romantic

Owain’s band climbed the walls and entered the

castle while the guards slept. They set fire to

some buildings and Gerald woke up

He snatched his sword and rushed out...

No. He panicked. He didn’t know what to do. So Nest said,

“don’t go out, my love; follow me.” And she led him to

a little room...

You mean the toilet?

Toilets in those days were holes on the walls

that you sat on and let everything fall into

the ditch outside

Oh, that is

so gross

41

Anyway, Nest stuffed her

husband down the toilet hole

and he escaped

Poor Nest must have

been so miserable

Not exactly. some people say she Went

off with him quite happily

That is so

shocking

Of course the king said

Owain was an outlaw and

he had to flee. That was

the end of the affair

Wow. What a story. Did

Owain ever come back?

Yes. After seven years he was pardoned and came

home. Gerald waited for Owain to return to Wales,

then ambushed and killed him

There’s nothing

like a happy ending

... and that’s

nothing like a

happy ending

42

DID YOU KNOW…?

Nest didn’t have much choice when she married

Gerald. Around 1095 King Henry decided to marry

her off and she couldn’t refuse.

The Legend

Nest wasn’t too heartbroken when Owain was

killed. She found other boyfriends. She ended

up as the girlfriend of King Henry I of England –

the man who had married her off to Gerald.

43

H

enry I was on the

throne and when

he died he wanted his

daughter, Empress

Matilda, to be the next

ruler. But most of the

English lords wanted

her cousin Stephen as

king … just because

he was a bloke. How

unfair is that? Stephen

and Matilda’s armies

fought each other

for the English throne

and in the wars that

followed the big losers

were the people of

England.

10

OXFORD CASTLE

1142

Terrible Tale

In 1142, during the wars, Matilda found herself

trapped in Oxford Castle. Oxford was a tough town

to attack, protected by its walls and by the River

Isis, but Stephen led a sudden raid across the river.

44

He led the charge and swam part of the way. Once

on the other side, the king and his men stormed

into the town, trapping the empress in the castle.

Stephen had to settle in for a long siege. Matilda

was surrounded with no way out and no food

getting in. There are TWO stories about what

happened next:

1 Just before Christmas, the Empress Matilda

sneaked out of the castle gate with a handful of

knights, crossed the icy river on foot and made

her escape past the royal army to safety at

Wallingford.

2 Another story says Matilda waited until the

Castle Mill Stream was frozen over and then

dressed in white as camouflage in the snow. She

was lowered down the walls with three or four

knights, leaving the castle defenders free to

surrender the next day.

DID YOU KNOW…?

Stephen and Matilda did the arguing ... but the

fighting and the dying was done by the peasants.

And, while they were fighting, there was no one

to care for the crops so the families went hungry.

No wonder a monk wrote ...

The Legend

A year before her Oxford escape, Matilda had

made a similar one from being trapped in Devizes.

She played dead. Matilda was dressed up in grave

clothes like a corpse waiting to be buried.

She was tied to a stretcher and

the body was taken past the

guards. Once the funeral

party was well clear of

Devizes the corpse sat

up and laughed.

I know not how to tell of all the cruelties they

brought upon the people of this unhappy country.

And so it lasted for nineteen years while Stephen

was king, till the land was all undone and

darkened with such deeds.

Men said openly that Christ

and his angels slept.

It’s dead funny!

Groan

46

M

atilda’s son Henry

II took the throne

and is remembered

for ordering the death

of Thomas Becket,

the Archbishop of

Canterbury. Four

of Henry’s knights

chopped Becket down

in the cathedral and his

brains flowed over the

floor. Henry seemed

cursed with bad luck.

He had a wife (Eleanor)

and sons (Henry,

Geoffrey, Richard and

John) who went to war

with him. Then there

were the Scots who

kept raiding the north

and attacking castles

like Warkworth.

11

WARKWORTHCASTLE

1174

Terrible Tale

Bertram de Bothal fell in love with Isabel

Widdrington of Northumberland. She promised

to visit him but, after a week, she hadn’t arrived.

47

Bertram set out to find her.

Bertram learned that Isabel was being held

prisoner in a Scottish castle and hurried find her.

He watched the castle in secret. On the second

night he saw a woman climbing down a rope from

the tower and a man dressed in tartan helping her.

It was his beloved Isabel.

Bertram followed the couple away from the castle

and then jumped out in front of them. He told the

man in tartan to release her. In a rage, Bertram

struck out at the man who fell to the ground.

Barmy Bertram raised his sword to strike again but

Isabel threw herself between them.

Of course she copped the sword, which went

clean through her and killed the man. With her

dying breath Isabel explained …

48

Heartbroken Bert returned to Northumberland

where he was granted sanctuary by Lord Percy

at Warkworth Castle. The killer gave up all his

wealth and left the castle to build the hermitage

nearby. He carved a small chapel out of the rock

face and spent years in prayer until his death.

The ghost of Bertram de Bothal still haunts the

hermit cave and castle.

DID YOU KNOW…?

The first Warkworth Castle, made of wood, was

so feeble that when the Scots arrived in 1174 the

people chose to hide in the church instead. Twenty

years later Robert FitzRoger owned the castle and

started building the strong stone walls you can

see today.

Sir Henry Percy ruled the North when Henry IV

was on the throne and lived at Warkworth. He was

known as Harry Hotspur. Warkworth Castle and

Hotspur are famous for being part of the action of

Shakespeare’s plays about Henry IV.

49

The Legend

Harry Hotspur was killed when he raised the visor

on his armour helmet and was shot in the mouth

by an arrow. His head was cut off and stuck on a

pole over York City walls. Visitors to Warkworth

say they’ve seen a grey lady in one of the towers.

This is said to be the ghost of Margaret Neville –

Harry Hotspur’s mother. You will find there are a

lot of grey or white ladies haunting castles. They

should get together and form a club. As you wander

the walls don’t be surprised to spot the ghost of

a young man running alongside you. Could it be

Harry looking for his head?

Hard to spot

your missing

head when

your eyes

are in your

missing head

50

I

n 1175 one of the

nastiest Norman

deeds was done at

Abergavenny Castle.

The Norman lord,

William de Braose,

was having a feast. A

Christmas feast. How

jolly? Not in the golden

age of castles …

12

ABERGAVENNY CASTLE

1175

Terrible Tale

William de Braose invited the Welsh chieftain of

Gwent, Seisyll ap Dyfnwal, for Christmas dinner.

How kind. Especially as it was Seisyll who had

murdered William de Braose’s Uncle Henry.

51

William had a very special Christmas present for

Seisyll. If there had been newspapers in those days

then it would have made the front page.

LEFTOVER CHRISTMAS GOOSE RECIPES FOR EVERY HOVEL – INSIDE

26 December 1175

1

/

17

penny

Ab ergavenny

The

Advertiser

FULL COVERAGE IN OUR SPORTS SECTION

ABERGAVENNY TOWN V NORMAN FC

Was your

Xmas goose

TOO FAT? p7

SILENT KNIGHTS

’Tis the season to be jolly or

… in the case of William de

Braose … jolly vicious.

Our Norman lord sent out

invitations to his old Welsh

enemy, Seisyll, the chieftain

of Gwent.

‘Bring your brother-in-

law, Gruffydd, and your top

knights,’ wily William wrote.

‘We’ll have a great knight out,’

he joked.

The Welsh arrived and

took off their weapons – it’s

WILLIAM AND FRIENDS WELCOME WELSH GUESTS

52

good manners to do that. And

then they started drinking

and eating. A servant at

Abergavenny Castle said this

morning, ‘There was more

drinking than eating. Well, to

tell the truth it was

the Welsh doing

all the drinking

– William and

the Normans just

sipped a little

watered wine.’

As midnight struck so did the

Normans. First Lord William

told his guests, ‘I have made

a new law that says no Welsh

man will ever be allowed to

carry a weapon in my lands

again.’

Seisyll cried, ‘You can never

make us obey that, de Braose.’

and that’s just what the nifty

Norman was waiting to hear.

‘You’ve just refused to obey an

order from the king,’ William

roared. ‘That’s treason. The

punishment is death. Normans.

Kill, them.’

That’s when the Normans

drew their weapons and

hacked Seisyll and his knights

to pieces. The only Christmas

boxes they’ll be getting are

wooden boxes to bury them in.

But William’s revenge was

not complete. William chased

Seisyll’s wife Gwladus as she

tried to escape.

She tried to shield her seven-

year-old son in her arms. They

were both hacked to death.

‘Blood all over the rushes on

the floor,’ our servant said.

‘Blood and body bits. We’ll

have to throw out all the rushes

and bury the bodies. We was

hoping for a holiday. Some

Christmas this has turned out

to be.’

53

DID YOU KNOW…?

William de Braose became known as the ‘Ogre

of Abergavenny’.

In 1246 Eva de Braose of Abergavenny had a pet

squirrel that she adored. One day the squirrel

scampered over the castle wall. Eva tried to recover

it ... she fell to her death.

The Legend

Matilda of Hay was married to William (the ‘Ogre

of Abergavenny’.) The local Welsh people thought

Matilda had powers of witchcraft. As if by magic

she told King John she knew he had murdered

his nephew Arthur. Big mistake, Matilda. John

had her arrested along with her son, William, and

imprisoned in Windsor Castle. They were later

walled up, alive, in a cell at Corfe Castle with just

a piece of raw bacon and a sheaf of wheat. They

were both found dead after 11 days.

Shame. I liked her. She was a bit nutty

C

astles were the home of Norman

knights, but the knights were

often away fighting in the Holy Land

… wars known as ‘The Crusades’.

Between 1096 and 1272 there

were nine Crusades to choose

from so it was never boring.

There was also the idea that

knights should behave like

gentlemen – ‘chivalry’.

But not all knights

were chivalrous,

as their

victims

found out.

13

LUDLOW CASTLE

1190

55

Terrible Tale

‘Women?’ The young knight, Geoffrey, laughed and

the sound echoed round the cold stone walls of the

dungeon cell. ‘They love me. And who can blame

them. I’m handsome, strong and brave. Any woman

would be proud to be my love.’

The rat twitched his whiskers and scuttled back

to its nest under the straw. ‘You don’t appear to

believe me, Master Rat,’ the young man said. ‘I’ll

bet you a piece of stale bread that I’ll be out of here

within a week.’

Geoffrey turned his head sharply as he heard the

rattle of keys in the lock of the cell. He brushed the

straw off his jerkin, sat up straight and fixed a smile

upon his face. The door swung open and the girl

hurried in with a dish of gruel and a mug of ale. Her

nose curled back at the smell in the filthy air and

she placed the food carefully on the floor. It was

the only time she would come within reach of the

chained man. Suddenly his chain clattered, his hand

shot out and grabbed her wrist.

‘Ah,’ she cried.

‘Hush,’ he said quickly. ‘Stay just a few moments,

Marion,’ he went on softly.

‘My father will be suspicious,’ she said anxiously.

Geoffrey spoke quickly and didn’t release his grip

56

on the girl’s wrist. ‘Yesterday, after you’d gone, his

lordship came to see me. He has given me just three

days to talk. He wants me to tell him our plans for

capturing Ludlow Castle. I would not betray my

friends, of course.’

‘And after three days?’ she asked.

‘After three days he will torture me. First he will

use hot irons on my face…’

‘No,’ she gasped.

‘I can bear the pain,’ the young man shrugged, ‘But

it may spoil my looks. No maiden would marry me

with those scars. Or he may gouge out my eyes…’

‘No,’ she gasped. ‘His lordship’s not a cruel man.’

The prisoner shrugged one shoulder. ‘We’ll see …

at least you’ll see. I won’t have any eyes left to see.’

‘How can you joke about such a thing?’ she asked.

‘True. I’d be sad to lose my eyes. I’d never be

able to see a beautiful face again. A beautiful face

like yours.’

The girl blushed and tore her wrist away from his

grip. She hurried from the cell and closed the door.

The young man smiled.

The next day she came in and knelt beside him

silently. She took a small key from her belt and

unfastened the chains that bound his wrists. She

slipped a larger key from the ring and pressed it into

57

his hand. ‘The key to the outer door,’ she muttered.

‘Let yourself out.’

He touched her hand softly. ‘Thank you, Marion.

You have saved me and I owe you my life. The only

way I can repay my debt is by marrying you.’

The girl looked up, startled. ‘You’ll take me with

you?’

‘Ah,’ he whispered. ‘Not just yet. I need time to

get away. I want you to stay here, to cover for my

escape as long as you can. I’ll return for you a week

today. Listen, here’s what we’ll do…’

That night, as the monastery bell tolled midnight,

he slipped away from the moon-shadows of the

castle and stole a horse from the village below.

Within an hour he was ten miles from Ludlow.

A week later he was back, as he had promised.

A ladder hung from the window as he knew it would.

It was made of strong leather rope and led up to a

window in the west tower. A window that wasn’t

overlooked by the patrolling guards.

Geoffrey climbed it swiftly and felt Marion’s

strong hands grasp his wrists and pull him over the

stone sill. A candle lit the room and glinted on the

knight’s excited eyes. Marion gave him a nervous

smile and moved towards the window. ‘Where are

you going?’ he asked.

58

‘Down the ladder. Away with you,’ she said.

He shook his head. ‘We have one or two visitors

who want to climb that ladder first,’ Geoffrey

grinned.

‘Visitors?’

‘Friends of mine. Friends who want a little

revenge on your lord.’

A man’s face appeared at the window ledge.

Geoffrey pulled him into the room. That man in

turn helped a second, then a third. In five minutes

the room was crowded with hard-faced, leather-

jacketed men with soft boots and cruel knives.

‘What are you doing?’ the bewildered girl asked.

Geoffrey ignored her. Instead he turned his back

on her and spoke to the men. ‘Kill the guards,

throw their bodies over the walls then lower the

drawbridge…’

‘My father’s on duty tonight!’ Marion cried.

‘Kill all the guards,’ Geoffrey said slowly. ‘Our

troops will ride in and finish the job.’

Marion opened her mouth but before she could

scream a warning the knight had clamped a rough,

gloved hand over it. He held it suffocatingly tight

until the last man had left the room and closed the

door. ‘Women are fools,’ he sneered at her.

But while he held her mouth closed he couldn’t

59

control her arms. She had carefully slipped the

dagger from his belt and turned it till the point

was under his ribs. With all of her strength she

pushed upwards.

His lips went tense and his eyes showed more

surprise than pain. There was a soft gurgle in

his throat as he fell back against the wall.

He remained there for half a minute, clawing

helplessly at the thing in his side before he slid

slowly to the floor.

Marion hurried to the door and looked out

onto the battlements. There were cries of terror as

men struggled in the darkness and tumbled from

their posts. The drawbridge dropped with a crash

and there was the sound of horses clattering into

the courtyard.

One man’s voice seemed to rise above the other

cries. ‘We’ve been betrayed!’ the voice wailed.

‘Betrayed.’

Marion turned back to the room, walked past the

lifeless knight and climbed onto the window ledge.

‘Oh, we’ve all been betrayed,’ she said dully. The girl

simply leaned forward and let herself drop.

In the dark chaos of the night no one heard one

more small cry, one more soft crunching of bone

on rock.

60

DID YOU KNOW…?

Marion wasn’t the only castle-dweller to be

betrayed. A robber held in Haverfordwest Castle

(Wales) became friends with some young squires

who were training to be knights. He fixed

arrowheads for them and gave them to the boys

for their bows. The boys begged that the robber

be allowed out for some fresh air – in their care.

He took them hostage and used them to bargain

for his freedom.

The Legend

Marion’s ghost can be seen acting out this tragedy

at Ludlow Castle, while visitors hear the sound of

her lopped lover dying. ‘Gurgle, burble, urk.’

61

T

he Crusades cost

money. Kings

would tax their subjects

to pay the soldiers to

fight their wars. When

the money ran out they

would borrow it. But it

was against Christian

law to lend money.

The poor kings had

to turn to the Jewish

people to lend them

money. And if you owe

someone money you

may end up hating

them. That’s what

happened to the

Jews in York.

14

YORK CASTLE

1190

Terrible Tale

Richard I, ‘The Lionheart’, was crowned in 1189.

He banned all Jews from his coronation and when

some dared to bring rich gifts to the palace he

had them stripped, flogged and thrown out.

People said that Richard had ordered all English

62

Jews to be killed … it wasn’t true but people in

London believed it. They burned down Jewish

houses and attacked them.

Richard said it had to stop and he punished the

attackers. But the next year he decided to fight

in the Third Crusade. So he was away when the

people of York decided to attack the city’s Jews.

• Josce was the leader of York’s Jewish citizens and

he led the local families into the castle.

• They shut themselves away in the keep, known as

Clifford’s Tower. The mob surrounded the Tower.

• The Jewish priest, their religious leader Rabbi

Yom Tov, told the Jewish people to kill themselves

and their families, rather than be killed by the mob.

• Josce obeyed. He started it by slaying his wife

Anna and his two children.

• The father of each family killed his wife and

children, before Yom Tov and Josce set fire to the

wooden tower, killing themselves.

• The few Jews who did not kill themselves died

in the fire, or were murdered by rioters.

• 150 Jews died.

Bye! Bye!

Die!

63

DID YOU KNOW…?

Richard died on a Crusade in 1199. He was

walking around a castle under siege without his

armour. Richard laughed at one defender who

had a crossbow in one hand and a frying pan as

a shield to beat off missiles. The man aimed at

the king, which the king jeered at. But another

crossbowman then struck the king in the left

shoulder near the neck.

A surgeon known as ‘The Butcher’ tried to pull

it out but mangled the king’s arm. The wound

turned poisonous. Richard asked to have the

crossbowman brought before him; the man turned

out to be a boy. This boy claimed that Richard

had killed his father and two brothers, and that

he, the boy, had shot at Richard in revenge. The

boy expected to be executed, but Richard forgave

him, saying:

Live on, and by my

kindness live to see the

light of another day

64

He gave orders for the boy to be set free and sent

away with 100 shillings. Richard died in the arms

of his mother.

The young crossbowman was skinned alive and

hanged as soon as Richard died.

The Legend

Richard’s father, Henry II, died and his body was

carried to the grave in an open coffin. His hated

son, Richard I, arrived to meet the procession.

As Richard leaned over the coffin blood spurted

from the nose of his dead father. ‘His angry

ghost doesn’t want his son there!’ the watching

people muttered.

65

K

ing John argued

with the church

and with his barons.

They forced him to

sign a document called

‘Magna Carta’ – that’s

Latin for ‘The Great

Charter’. He gave away

some of his powers.

But John never meant

to keep his side of

the agreement and

Rochester Castle

became the centre

of one of the nastiest

terrors of his reign.

15

ROCHESTER CASTLE

1215

Terrible Tale

The barons broke the Magna Carta too. They were

supposed to hand over Rochester Castle to John.

Instead they entered it in early October and locked

the gates. John was furious so he marched from

London to besiege it.

66

His army had great war catapults and they began

showering the castle keep and the walls with huge

rocks. But with walls four metres thick, the keep

held strong.

After a month John’s army wrote to London

and asked for…

In a world before gunpowder, pig fat was used

as a fire-starter. First they dug a tunnel under the

tower. Then they lit a pig-fat fire.

Forty of the fattest pigs, the sort least good

for eating

Can you smell bacon?

67

It made part of the castle collapse, but the keep

was divided into two parts. The defenders just

retreated to the half that wasn’t damaged.

Still, it was grim for them inside. The soldiers

were forced to kill their horses and eat them.

(Neigh, it’s true.)

Then the fighting men sent the weakest people

out to save on food. Some reports say they had

their hands and feet cut off by King John’s men.

By the end of November the defenders finally

gave up and were made prisoners. John wanted

his attackers to kill all the defenders who had

given them so much trouble. King John’s men

didn’t do that. They said one day it might be

their turn to be besieged and they didn’t want

mass killing to be a habit.

There was just one defender, an archer, who

had once fought FOR the king then switched

sides. They decided to hang him.

68

DID YOU KNOW…?

Ruthless John had captured his nephew, Arthur,

and imprisoned him in Paris. John got drunk, killed

Arthur, tied a stone round his body and threw the

corpse in the River Seine.

The Legend

In 1264 the castle at Rochester was being defended

by Ralph de Capo who was planning to marry Lady

Blanche. One of the attackers was Sir Gilbert de

Clare … a jealous man because Lady Blanche had

turned him down.

Are you mad?

Not me. Arthur’s the

one who’s in Seine. Ha!

69

Ralph de Capo left the castle with some of his

men to drive off the attackers. Gilbert de Clare

circled around and entered the castle dressed in

a suit of armour looking just like the one worn

by de Capo. (Sneaky or what?)

He caught up with Blanche on the battlements

and grabbed her. She struggled to push de Clare

away. Her lover, de Capo, came back in time to see

her struggle. He was a great shot with a bow. He

fired an arrow which hit de Clare but it bounced

off his armour and went through the heart of Lady

Blanche, killing her.

Her ghost, dressed in a white robe and still with

the arrow through her heart, forever walks the

battlements near the round tower. Awwww.

Owwww

more like

70

I

f you think eating

horses at Rochester

was sad (or saddle)

then Beeston was

just as bad. Ranulf

de Blondeville built

Beeston Castle

when he returned

from the Fifth Crusade

around 1220.

16

BEESTON CASTLE

1220

Terrible Tale

To provide the castle’s inhabitants with a supply

of fresh water two wells were dug into the rock.

One of them, 124m deep, is one of the deepest

castle wells in England.

The story goes that Richard II hid bags and

bags of gold somewhere in the castle –

most likely in the deep well.

71

As he was murdered soon after, no one ever knew

where he’d put them. So these riches are still

hidden to this day … if there are any there. Many

people have tried to find the treasures of Beeston

but failed.

A fairy-tale story, you may think. But secret

passageways and tunnels have been uncovered

inside the well, so something strange and

mysterious must have happened there.

When Richard II was murdered, his enemy,

Henry IV, found Richard’s gold and jewellery in

the places he’d hidden them. So maybe there

never was any treasure at Beeston.

DID YOU KNOW…?

In the English Civil War in the 1640s the castle

was captured by one side and then the other.

In 1643 the Royalist Captain Thomas Sandford

and eight soldiers from that army crept into

Beeston at night. The castle governor, Captain

Thomas Steele, was so shocked by the crafty

attack that he surrendered. His attackers spared

his life... but Steele was shot by his own side for

losing the castle.

72

The Legend

When King Charles I was captured, his Royalist

troops surrendered Beeston one last time. They

were in a terrible state. The last Royalists were

so desperate for food that they were forced to eat

castle cats. Nasty.

The winners reported …

Lucky peacocks.

But we survived. By a whisker

73

K

ing John died in

1216 and his son

Henry III reigned … and

reigned … and reigned.

In 1224 the baron Falkes

de Breauté fell out with

Henry III, and the king

marched on Bedford

Castle. Falkes had left

the castle in the hands of

his brother William, with

eighty men to defend it.

17

BEDFORD CASTLE

1224

You’ll be fine

What could possibly go wrong?

80’s plenty

Don’t

panic

Everything

will be ok

There’s nothing

to worry about

Relax

You don’t

need me

Take a

chill pill

See ya

later

74

Terrible Tale

Henry III’s force may have been over 2,500 men

who came from all over England to Bedford.

Around 200 of them were killed. You can imagine

that made the other 2,300 a bit cross.

They brought some catapults and built others

outside the castle walls – one trebuchet and seven

mangonels in all. With nearly 45,000 crossbow

bolts they were ready to attack. The king arrived…

with lots of fine food for himself and barrels of

wine. He wasn’t going to suffer like the defenders,

was he?

William was sure his brother would arrive to save

him so he held on. He even hoped the Pope would

write to the king and order him to spare the castle.

The walls were battered – not like cod in a chip

shop but with huge stones. Mines were dug under

the walls and fires lit to make them crack and

collapse. After an 8-week siege the women were

released. The men surrendered the next day and

the king’s flag flew over the castle.

What would you do if you were Henry III?

a) Spare the women but not the men?

b) Copy his dad (King John) at Rochester and

spare everyone except the traitors?

c) Kill them all?

75

DID YOU KNOW…?

Two days after the men were

executed the letter arrived

from the Pope telling King

Henry to stop his fight

against the de Breautés. Too

late. If only the Pope had

had email. Or even a passing

angel to deliver his message.

The Legend

Falkes de Breauté let his brother die defending

Bedford. He was sure his castle could last for a year.

He was shocked that it fell in 8 weeks. He begged

the king to forgive him and he was spared. He had

started the trouble that led to his brother and nearly

80 men being executed, yet he lived on. He was just

exiled to France. So unfair.

Answer: a) The women were set free but the defenders were all

hanged, even William de Breauté. And they said King John was

cruel? Henry III was brutal … of should that be Breutél?

Oops

Oops

indeed

See ya

later

76

I

n 1282 Llywelyn ap

Gruffydd, Prince of

Wales, died. Wales was

without a prince and

they hated the English

King Edward I. Big

Ed started making the

Welsh obey English

laws. And in 1292 he

charged them more tax

than the English were

paying. No wonder they

rebelled ... again. In

1293 the Welsh rebels

took the north-west

of Wales – Gwynedd.

Edward defeated them

at Maes Maidog. A few

days later 500 Welsh

soldiers were sleeping.

Edward’s men

massacred them

in their sleep.

Ed started

building

beautiful

castles

to keep the

Welsh under

control.

Castles like

Caernarfon.

18

CAERNARFON CASTLE

1301

77

Terrible Tale

Teachers for hundreds of years have told the

story of how the first English Prince of Wales

was crowned. Here is the teacher’s side … and

here is how a true Welsh child might like to

argue with it.

King Edward came to Caernarfon. It was said that in

1300, when his wife gave birth to a son at Caernarfon

Castle, the king called the baby ‘Prince of Wales and

Count of Chester’

I looked it up on the internet and

it says 1300. Anyway, the prince was

born and Edward said, ‘People of

Wales, here is my eldest son...’

My dad says Alfonso was

Edward’s eldest son

No, Miss. My dad says the prince

was born in Caernarfon in 1284

THE TALES OF WALES PREVAILS

78

He’d have a bit of a job – the

prince was 17 years old by then!

But Alfonso wasn’t born in Wales. Now the Welsh

people weren’t sure about an English Prince of Wales,

so Edward did a clever thing. He raised his son above his

head...

King Edward raised the BABY above his head and

said, ‘Behold. I give you a prince born in Wales

who could never speak a word of English’

Neither

could King

Edward. My

dad says he

spoke French.

BOGOF

SALE

NOW ON!

Have

you

tried

79

The Welsh were NOT overjoyed and many are

still not happy with an English Prince of Wales.

Never mind that now, Gareth. The child who grew up to

be Edward II was the first English Prince of Wales

True. But he was given the title

in Lincoln, not Caernarfon.

Caernarfon Castle wasn’t finished

till 1330. In 1301 Edward would have

been standing on a building site

And the Welsh were overjoyed. Ever since that date

the first-born son of the English monarch has been

made the Prince of Wales

They weren’t actually

– even Edward II’s own

son wasn’t made

Prince of Wales

Laura from Llanelli’s

laverbread?

Just beware, it’s not a bread, and it doesn’t taste

like lava (it’s made of seaweed!).

80

DID YOU KNOW…?

Even 600 years later, in 1911, there were Welsh

people who hated the idea of an English Prince

of Wales. In 1911 the Rhondda MP, Keir Hardie,

said this when a new Prince of Wales was due

to get the honour in a ceremony…

Not a fan of the English royal family then?

The Legend

Caernarfon Castle has a Floating Lady. This

unusual ghost is sometimes seen drifting down

the corridors, and meddles with any electrical

stuff left out at night.

There is to be a ceremony to remind us that an English

king and his robber barons tried for ages to destroy

the Welsh people. They succeeded in robbing them of

their lands and driving them to the mountains like

hunted beasts. The ceremony ought to make every

Welshman blush with shame.

81

C

astles could be

dark and secret

places. They were

handy spots for

anyone who wanted

to get away with

murder. Edward I

had been a fearsome

warrior known as ‘The

Hammer of the Scots’.

His son Edward II

wasn’t a keen soldier

and lost the famous

Battle of Bannockburn

to the Scots. He

preferred swimming

and dressing up.

He should have

stayed away from

Berkeley Castle.

19

BERKELEY CASTLE

1327

Terrible Tale

Edward II’s wife, Isabella, was one of the most

evil of the Brit queens ever to rule. She wanted

rid of the king (Edward II) so her son (Edward

III) could take over the throne.

82

First she got her boyfriend, Roger Mortimer,

to raise an army and attack King Edward. When

Mortimer had captured the king, Isabella ordered

Edward to be thrown in jail in Berkeley Castle.

She wanted him dead, but didn’t want it to look

like he’d been murdered.

Underneath the jail the corpses of dead prisoners

were left to rot. She hoped Ed would die from an

infection. He didn’t.

He was then left to starve. He didn’t.

Isabella then sent a message to the jailers. It

seemed a harmless enough message. In fact it

was a code. It meant, ‘Kill him.’

One story says jailers smothered the king with

cushions then pushed a hot poker into his bowels

from underneath.

Isabella gave Ed a lovely funeral and even went

along herself. A poet called her ‘The She-Wolf of

France’.

Arrange the following words into a

well-known phrase: ‘HIM KILL’. Uh?

83

DID YOU KNOW…?

Isabella had hated her husband and had him

murdered, yet she was buried with his heart

clutched to her chest – a sign of true love?

The Legend

Edward II died in such terrible agony that it has

been said for many centuries his screams could be

heard miles from the castle every 21 September –

the date of his death.

84

I

n 1349 the Black

Death – a terrible

plague – wiped out

nearly half of the people

in Britain. The lords and

ladies in their castles

had fewer peasants to

do their work. But just

because you were a lord

or lady living in a castle

didn’t mean you could

escape the plague.

20

BOLINGBROKE CASTLE

1368

Terrible Tale

Blanche of Lancaster was born at Bolingbroke

Castle in 1345. When the Black Death arrived

in 1349 she didn’t catch it. She went on to marry

John of Gaunt and in 1367 she gave birth to baby

Henry who grew up to become King Henry IV. But

Blanche never lived to see her son on the throne.

85

The Black Death may have arrived in England

1349, but it kept coming back. In 1368 it killed

Blanche. She was just 23 years old.

DID YOU KNOW…?

The Black Death – or Bubonic Plague – was a

painful way to go. An Italian explained in his

diary...

Hi. I’m back

86

These swellings began to ooze with blood and pus.

Purple-black blotches appeared on the skin and you

smelled absolutely revolting. Mr Death was seen

as a skeleton in a black cloak who carried a scythe

that swept you away with a swishing stroke.

Swell – Spit – Smell – Swish. You were gone.

The piles of bodies grew like chopped straw into

a haystack. The corpses were loaded onto carts,

and dropped into pits – or, in Avignon in France,

thrown into the river.

Children were Mr Death’s favourites when it

came to the swish.

Nowadays we know the real reason for this

If you are adult then you have had quite a few

diseases in your lifetime and built up a ‘resistance’;

children have had fewer diseases and have far less

resistance. They die easily.

Of course priests said the children probably got

what they deserved. One explained…

It may be that children suffer heaven’s revenge because

they miss going to church or because they despise their

fathers and mothers. God kills children with the plague

– as you can see every day – because, according to the

old law, children who are rebels (or disobey

their parents) are punished by death.

87

Has much changed?

The Legend

Bolingbroke Castle is haunted by a phantom hare,

which local people say is a witch who was once held

prisoner in the castle. If you go there and don’t see

it they’ll tell you it’s the usual story – hare today

and gone tomorrow.

Could you unpack

the dishwasher?

Nope

Still

nope

88

T

here may have

been some kind

castle keepers who

were cuddly and cute

in their keeps. But

there were more

villains who used

their power to bring

pain to the peasants.

Scotland was a

dangerous place in

the 1300s. If the

plague didn’t get

you a wolf just might.

21

LOCHINDORB CASTLE

1371

Terrible Tale

Robert the Bruce took over as leader when William

Wallace died and he had himself crowned king.

Robert’s greatest stroke of luck was that Edward I

died soon after Robert came to the throne. He was

left to face the feeble Edward II. The Scottish

king defeated the English king at the Battle of

89

Bannockburn in 1314 and won the right of Scotland

to be free of English rule.

Robert the Bruce had a great rival for the Scottish

throne, John Comyn of Badenoch, who lived in a

castle on an island in a loch (or lake). They made

a deal – Bruce would have the crown but Comyn

could have the lands. Seemed fair enough. But they

fell out.

Bruce agreed to meet Comyn at the church of

Greyfriars in Dumfries to make peace.

Unfortunately Comyn laughed at Bruce’s

complaints. Bad-tempered Bruce stuck his dagger

in Comyn and that stopped him laughing.

Let’s have a

Bruce truce

So what the deuce

is the use of a

Bruce truce?

90

Bloodstained Bruce rushed from the church.

‘I’m afraid I’ve stabbed Comyn.’ His friend,

Kirkpatrick, said, ‘Don’t be afraid – I’ll go and

make sure.’ Kirkpatrick went and finished off

the dying man.

In 1371 King Robert II (Bruce’s grandson) gave

the castle at Lochindorb to his son Alexander,

hoping it would calm down the wild child. It didn’t

work. Alexander became known as the ‘Wolf of

Badenoch’. He dumped one wife and went off with

another. The Bishop of Elgin said he was wicked …

so Alex rode out from Lochindorb and burnt not

just Elgin Cathedral but also the monastery, parish

church and hospital.

DID YOU KNOW…?

‘The Wolf of Badenoch’ had a nasty habit of hunting

in the Rothiemurchus Forest. He set fire to parts of

it to drive out the deer so he could kill them. He

also enjoyed hunting outlaws in the same way.

91

The Legend

When awful Alex caught a victim he locked them

in the Lochindorb dungeon in a metre of icy water.

If the prisoner stood up he would live – if he tried

to sit down or fell asleep, he would drown. He was

left there for two or three days. If he lived then he

would be set free.

92

T

he Black Death

made the peasants

precious – there were

so few left. They

decided it was time to

stand up to the lords in

their castles. A new tax

called the Poll Tax

was unfair, the rebels

said. A man called Wat

Tyler led ‘The Peasants’

Revolt’ in 1381 …

he met the king but

ended up dead.

22

NORWICH CASTLE

1381

Terrible Tale

In Norfolk, the revolt was led by Geoffrey Litster,

a weaver, and Sir Roger Bacon, a local lord who

supported the revolting peasants.

Wat a cheek!

93

Sir Robert Salle was in charge of the Norwich

defences and met Litster outside the castle to

make peace. The rebels killed him.

The people of the town then opened the gates

to let the rebels in. They began looting buildings.

The Earl of Suffolk, inside the city, knew they’d

kill him so he disguised himself and ran off to

London. Other lords were captured and forced

to be servants to Litster.

The revolt in East Anglia was put down by the

Bishop of Norwich. When he found out about it,

the bishop marched south with eight foot soldiers

and a small group of archers. More men joined

him as he marched

to meet the rebels.

He marched through

Peterborough, where

he beat the rebel rabble

and executed any he

could capture – even

the ones who had

taken shelter in the

local abbey.

The bishop captured Norwich Castle then set off

to track down the rebel leader, Geoffrey Litster.

Litster was caught and executed.

That’s me,

bish and bash

94

DID YOU KNOW…?

The bishop saved Norwich, but executing rebels

without a fair trial was against the law. Did he care?

No.

The Legend

Norwich Castle stands on a hill where a really

ancient fort once stood. A legend says a king was

once buried there along with his hoard of silver

and gold.

95

T

he peasant revolts

against King

Richard II failed. But

when the lords revolted,

the king was in danger.

Deadly danger. The

chief rebel was Henry

Bolingbroke. He invaded

England and Richard

was thrown off the

throne and locked away

in Pontefract Castle.

You can guess what

happened next.

23

PONTEFRACT CASTLE

1399

Terrible Tale

When Richard II was 29 years old he married

Isabella of France who was just 7 years old ...

weird.

The people of London gave Richard a camel

as a present. His wife was given a pelican...

96

Once Richard was locked away in Pontefract

in 1399 he was never seen alive again. One story

says he was simply starved to death.

DID YOU KNOW…?

Pontefract Castle is an unusual case. It was

not destroyed in war or by enemy action. It was

destroyed by the locals. The people of Pontefract.

Why would the people want to destroy their

local castle?

I say, I say, I say.

Richard’s just been

given a camel

I bet he got

the hump!

And the queen

got a pelican

Pity it came

with such a

big bill

97

In 1644, during the English Civil War, the

Roundheads captured it from the Cavaliers.

The people of Pontefract were sick and tired

of armies attacking the castle. They pulled it

down themselves so there’d be no more fighting

in their town.

The Legend

Pontefract has the usual woman-in-grey ghost

wandering around at night. More unusual, it has

two ghostly children who play near the dungeon

of the castle.

It’s an ASABO...

Antisocial Army

Behaviour Order

98

T

he people of Wales

never really liked

the kings of England

ruling them and there

were revolts all the

time. At the end of

the 1300s the biggest

ever revolt was led by

a Welsh hero called

Owain Glyndwr. He

won a lot of battles but

he failed in the end.

24

RADNOR CASTLE

1403

Terrible Tale

It is said that history is

written by the winners.

Owain lost so the

historians made him

seem worse than he

was. Take the story

of Radnor Castle.

no sight of the castle at the site of the castle

ha ha

SPOILER

ALERT

99

Owain’s forces were said to have attacked it in

1403. They captured the sixty men inside. Owain

then gave orders to hang all sixty of the men from

the walls of the castle.

But he was spiteful and went further.

There you go, Owain.

Sixty prisoners

ARE THEY DISARMED?

Oh yes, sir. Surrendered

and throwing themselves

on your mercy

Hang

them

What, all of them? That’s

an awful lot of rope

Yes. All of them.

Then cut off their

heads and bury them

Hang, behead and bury?

Sixty? That’s bleeding

hard work that is

100

But is the story true? Human bones WERE

accidentally disturbed when the church was

repaired in 1843. And the skulls were piled

separately to the skeletons. They had been piled

in a mass grave. Owain’s victims?

But now historians think the story of the

massacre of the garrison is just a legend that

never really happened.

DID YOU KNOW…?

It was said the castle keeper at Peterston-super-

Ely fortress was beheaded after he surrendered

to Owain.

SUPER HARDY HEMP ROPE

NOW MADE WITH

100% MORE FIBRES AND

STRONGER TWISTS

PERFECT FOR MASS MURDEROUS HANGINGS

101

The Legend

In the 1700s Thomas Pennant collected the stories

of Owain that made him out as the chief hero of the

Welsh. They say Owain’s still alive. He is sitting in

a cave playing chess with King Arthur, waiting for

the day when the Welsh need a hero to save them.

Does that sound a bit like the King Arthur legend

… again?

Don’t worry, I’ll save them Isn’t that my job?

You save Britain, I save Wales

Are you sure?

Yep – you’re

not even Welsh

But Wales is part of Britain

so, really, shouldn’t I be doing

some of the saving too?

I guess. But

just a little bit.

Remember, I’m

chief hero, ok?

Ok

102

I

n 1422 Henry VI

took the throne. He

was eight months old.

He was weak in body

and mind and claimed

to hear angels singing.

Strong nobles decided

this was their chance

to grab power and they

fought ‘The Wars of

the Roses’ for many

years. In Scotland there

was a child-king at the

same time so the Scots

suffered murder and

misery too.

25

THREAVE CASTLE

1440

Terrible Tale

James II of Scotland was just nine years old. Sir

William Crighton ruled the country for the lad.

He decided to use his power to get rid of some

hated enemies – the Douglas family. Crighton

invited two young Douglases to dinner in

Edinburgh Castle. They arrived from their

103

home in Threave Castle. They never returned.

A chronicle said …

It’s easy to be joyful and glad when you don’t

know what will happen next isn’t it?

They had a rich feast which ended when

Crighton had a bull’s head placed on the table

in front of the guests. ‘A bull’s head?’ (you cry).

‘What’s that all about? (you cry some more.)

I can tell you (and stop your crying): the bull’s

head was the sign of a death sentence. (And it was

pretty deadly for the bull too.) Crighton took the

Douglas boys into the next room, gave them a quick

‘trial’ before having them beheaded in the courtyard.

Young King James II greeted them

with great joy and gladness.

EDINBURGH CASTLE

104

Young James II was upset and probably called

Regent Crighton the biggest party-pooper of all

time. It was enough to put anyone off their dinner.

DID YOU KNOW…?

William Douglas of Threave wanted to take the

crown from James II. Patrick MacLellan wanted

to keep James on the throne. So William captured

Patrick, locked him away at Threave Castle and –

you guessed it – murdered him.

THREAVE CASTLE

IT’S MURDER O’CLOCK!

105

Don’t worry, James II took his revenge and it

was very personal. James invited William to

Stirling Castle, drew a knife and stabbed him

in the neck. The king’s guards finished him off

and threw the corpse of William Douglas from

a window.

The Legend

At Threave Castle you can’t see ghosts …

but you can hear them chattering away.

STIRLING CASTLE

106

T

he Wars of the

Roses were in

full flow by 1455

as the York family

claimed the throne

of feeble Henry VI

from the Lancaster

family.

26

POWDERHAMCASTLE

1455

Terrible Tale

While the York and Lancaster families scrapped

for power, OTHER families used the war as an

excuse to fight each other.

The Earl of Devon found himself fighting

against his own cousins, the Courtenays of

Powderham Castle. The families had squabbled

for years because they both thought they should

rule the county of Devon. The Earl decided to

attack Powderham and paid 1,000 men to form

107

an army. Men who fight for money are called

‘mercenaries’.

The siege went on for two months. When

friends of Powderham tried to battle through,

the Duke of Exeter beat them and destroyed

their villages. The battle was at a place called

Clyst Heath. A lot of the Courtenay family

died in the Wars of the Roses … many of

them being beheaded.

DID YOU KNOW…?

A hundred years later there was ANOTHER battle

at Clyst Heath ... and this time it was far more cruel

and bloody. The Cornish people were rebelling

against King Edward VI’s Tudor Prayer Book.

Would YOU fight over a prayer book? No. How

about a Horrible Histories book? Yes.

The king’s forces arrived at Clyst Heath and

captured 900 Cornish prisoners. The general in

charge didn’t want the problem of looking after

the prisoners. The Cornish rebels were bound

and gagged and helpless. He gave the order to

his German mercenary troops.

108

How long did it take for a thousand men to cut

900 throats?

a) 900 minutes b) 90 minutes c) 10 minutes

The Legend

If you stay in Powderham Castle now you may

be bothered by an evil black cat invading your

bedroom. Why? Who knows? It’s a moggy mystery.

Kill them all.

Cut their throats

Answer: c) 10 minutes.

109

T

he days of castles

were nearly done.

A new weapon would

soon make walls look

weak as water. The new

weapon was the cannon.

27

ROXBURGH CASTLE

1460

roxburgh’s

just rocks

110

As the English squabbled among themselves in

the Wars of the Roses, the Scots were also fighting

one another. And they used those new cannons.

Sometimes with horribly disastrous results.

Terrible Tale

If a Scottish gunner could write he may have told

this tragical tale in his diary …

3 August 1460

This war stuff is a bit like football – you win some, you lose some.

Today we won the battle but lost our captain, carried off the

field injured. Mind you, we couldn’t play football. King James II

banned it – the miserable trout. He’ll not be banning it now.

James II was always a great one for these new cannon things.

He bought them from over in Flanders. And there was one other

thing he was keen on … apart from banning football and using

cannon. (That’s two things.) He liked to attack English castles.

His plan was to knock all their northern castles down while the

English were fighting each other in those Rosy Wars.

So today we attacked Roxburgh. James stood by his favourite

cannon, a monster he called ‘The Lion’. He raised a hand and

cried, “Fire!” The gunner lit the fuse. The fuse burned down. The

gunpowder exploded … and blew the Lion apart. A great lump of

metal sliced the King’s leg off. He was soon dead.

Ah well, at least the lads will have a nice game of football

once the castle’s been captured.

111

Roxburgh Castle was captured two days after

James II’s accident. His widow, Queen Mary, had

the castle destroyed.

DID YOU KNOW…?

Roxburgh had been captured by a Scottish army

almost 150 years before in 1314. They were led by

Lord Douglas and he had a daft plan. He disguised

his men as cattle so they could creep up to the walls

without being spotted. Daft? It worked.

The Legend

Go to Roxburgh now and you can see the ghost

of James II charging around on horseback …

a ghostly horse I guess.

I keep tripping

on my udders

112

TOP 10 CASTLE WEAPONS

2. TERROR WEAPON

When William The Conqueror attacked Alençon in France in 1048

he took 34 prisoners. He paraded them in front of the town walls.

Then, as the people of Alençon watched, he had their hands and feet

cut off and lobbed over the wall.

1. DISEASE WEAPON

1n 1347 the Tartar warriors attacked

the Italian traders in the fortified

stronghold of Kaffa. The

Tartars lobbed corpses that

had died of the plague

into the fortress.

113

5. BOILING WATER

The legend of pouring boiling oil from the

walls onto attackers is a fiction. Oil was too

precious. They would pour boiling water.

4. BATTERING RAM

A siege engine that originated in ancient times and

was designed to break open the masonry walls of

fortifications or splinter their wooden gates.

3. GREEK FIRE

Records from the 1200s tell of “Greek

fire” used by the Saracens against the

Crusaders. A long tube on wheels was

used to blow flames forward using large

bellows. The sticky, flaming liquid burned

down castles.

114

7. BATTERY TOWER

Took on a similar role to the siege tower, but mounted with cannon.

These were built out of wood and mounted with siege artillery.

Russian military engineer Ivan Vyrodkov built one in just one night

during the Siege of Kazan in 1552.

6. SIEGE TOWER

The tower was often on four

wheels with its height roughly

equal to that of the wall or

sometimes higher. Archers

would stand on top of the

tower and shoot arrows into the

fortification.

115

9. THE ONAGER

A type of catapult that uses

a torsional force, generally

from twisting a rope, to

store energy for the shot.

Fired clay balls full of

inflammable material.

8. THE PETARD

An explosive device designed specifically for

breaching gates and walls. The petard had to be

placed directly against the surface of the fortress or

in a tunnel under the walls. The name petard comes

from an old French word meaning ‘to break wind’.

10. A TREBUCHET

A type of siege engine most

frequently used in the Middle

Ages. It is sometimes called

a counterweight trebuchet

because it worked on the

principle of levers.

116

B

ack in England

the leader of the

York army – the Duke

of York – marched up

to fight the army of

the Lancaster family.

Children still sing

about him.

28

SANDAL CASTLE

1461

Terrible Tale

Oh, the grand Old Duke of York, he had ten

thousand men,

He marched them up to the top of the hill,

and he marched them down again.

And when they were up they were up, and

when they were down they were down.

And when they were only halfway up they

were neither up nor down.

117

It was a bitter winter

and the duke took his

army of 6,000 men to

Sandal Castle to shelter

before the battle. It’s

a small castle and the

men were cold,

hungry and

crowded.

A lookout spied a small troop of Lancaster

soldiers in the valley below. You can imagine the

York men would be glad to get out and do a little

fighting.

So the Grand Old Duke of York led the charge

down the hill – just like the nursery rhyme says. He

didn’t know that a larger army of Lancaster troops

were hiding in the trees. The hidden army charged out

and smashed the York army.

The duke was chopped

down. His head was cut

off and taken back to

the city of York and

stuck on a pole.

Look out!

‘scuse me

Ouch

Pardon

Move over

Oi!

Mind your back

Look out!

Aaaagh!

Ouch

Urrk!

Mummy!

Don’t kill me

Ow!

118118

DID YOU KNOW…?

The duke’s son, Edmund, was caught on a bridge

trying to escape. He begged for his life. They cut

his head off anyway. He was only about 16 years

old. His head was stuck alongside his father’s on

York walls.

The Legend

A small, yapping phantom terrier scares other

much larger dogs away from Sandal Castle. If

you touch it then the phantom fades away.

119119

T

he Wars of the

Roses came to an

end in 1485 when the

Yorkist King Richard III

was beaten in battle by

the Lancaster warrior,

Henry Tudor. They

fought at the Battle of

Bosworth Field. But

before the battle King

Richard III stayed at

Nottingham Castle.

29

NOTTINGHAM CASTLE

1485

Terrible Tale

Of course Nottingham Castle is famous for Prince

John ... Earl of Nottingham. His brother, King

Richard I, went off to fight in the Crusades and

left John in charge. John turned Nottingham into

a nest of traitors. They plotted against Richard I –

John’s own brother.

But Richard came home, and defeated John.

120120

He brought some of the catapults he’d used in the

Crusades and broke into the castle. John begged

for mercy. Richard said …

Richard went back to the Crusades where he

died and his brother became KING John. In the

year 1212 John committed the most horrible act

ever seen in Nottingham ... ‘The massacre of the

hostages’. It would have made headline news if

there had been television news in those days.

Not only will I spare

you but I will let you

return to the castle

Thanks

bruv

What

a mug

Wales? What a pain. I invaded it last year, you

know. I crushed that Llywelyn and I built castles

there. I took hostages and what does he do?

He burned

your castles

Pass me another peach – yes,

he burned my castles and

then, THEN he plotted with the

French to invade England. The

nerve of the man

And what about today?

121

Ah, yes, this morning. Come over to the window

and look across the courtyard. What do you see?

A couple of dozen boys on the castle walls

28 Welsh boys to be exact. And I am

going to show Llywelyn what I do to his

precious hostages if he rebels

They are putting ropes around their necks

It won’t hurt them

They’re being made

to climb to the top

of the walls

That won’t hurt them either. Pass me a peach

That’s a very

small hostage

The one on the end? It’s a boy. Son

of a troublemaker called Maelgwn.

Seven years old, I think

You are signalling

with your hand and...

122

DID YOU KNOW…?

King John died of eating too many peaches.

Fast forward again to 1485 and Richard III left

Nottingham Castle and died on the battlefield when

Welsh weasel Henry Tudor defeated him. Richard

was the last ‘English’ monarch to rule and took part

in the last great charge of knights on a battlefield.

The world was changing for knights and castles.

Henry Tudor became Henry VII and the first of

the Terrible Tudors.

The Legend

At Nottingham you can hear rebel Roger Mortimer

walking round his prison cell in the castle as he

would have done before the traitor was executed in

1330 on the orders of Edward II.

Queen Isabella (the ‘She-Wolf of France’) can be

heard howling, as she did when they dragged her

boyfriend Roger Mortimer away to die.

Yes, the guards are pushing them off the ramparts.

Now THAT will hurt a bit, I imagine. It’s what happens

to anyone who crosses King John of England.

NOW PASS ME A PEACH…

123

T

he Terrifying

Tudors ruled

in England while

the Stuarts ruled in

Scotland. Henry VII’s

daughter, Margaret,

became Queen of

Scotland when she

married James IV

of Scotland.

30

STIRLING CASTLE

1520s

124

But that didn’t mean there was peace between the

two countries. The Northern castles were always

nervous places to live. When would the other side

attack? But it wasn’t all war …

Terrible Tale

The Scots (probably) invented golf. But they also

had a sport that, strangely, you’d never see in the

Olympic Games. It was called Hurley Hacket. It

was fun to play but a bit horrible to prepare. Still, if

you don’t mind a bit of blood and don’t mind being

locked away for animal cruelty you can try it.

Hurley Hacket (or Summer Sledging.)

To play:

1. Take a dead horse. There were plenty of those

around in the Middle Ages. Not so many today.

Maybe a dead tea-tray would do. But if you do find

a dead horse then boil its head till the flesh drops off.

2. Take the clean skull to ‘Heading Hill’ in Stirling.

(It’s full name was Be-heading Hill because that

was the place where they gave chops to tops).

125

3. Use the skull as a sledge and slide down the grassy

hill. (If you can’t get to Stirling then a small hill like

Mount Everest would do.) Or go to Calton Hill in

Edinburgh, where young people also enjoyed this sport.

If you haven’t got a dead horse (or ‘hack’) then you can’t

play Hurley Hacket. But you can play Hurley Haaky

if you have a haaky skull – what’s a haaky?

It’s a Scots word for a cow.

DID YOU KNOW…?

A champion at Hurley Hacket was King James V

who liked this sort of sledging better than ruling

the country.

James V became king at the age of one. When

he grew older he kept control of the wild Highland

clans by holding many of their chiefs as prisoners.

He said ...

I have a list of 300 nobles that

I can hang whenever I wish.

126

He was not a popular man – well, not with the

300 nobles on his hanging list.

James V hadn’t the courage to lead his army

against a full English force. He sent a leaderless

army to fight and they were defeated. It was a

killer shock. James, aged just 30, gave up on life,

lay down on his bed and simply died. His throne

passed to his daughter, Mary Queen of Scots, who

was just six days old at the time. She would cause

a lot of trouble for the English AND the Scots.

The Legend

The ghost of a woman in a pink silk dress stalks the

area outside Stirling Castle. They say this is the ghost

of Mary Queen of Scots. Maybe she is hoping to play

Hurley Hacket like her dear, dead dad? She came to a

messy headless end, just like the horses that gave the

hurley skulls … as you will see.

127

B

y 1536 the

monstrous Henry

VIII was on the throne.

He didn’t build castles,

he built palaces. But

old castles like

Kimbolton came

in handy for

packing away

unwanted wives.

31

KIMBOLTON CASTLE

1536

Terrible Tale

King Henry VIII had a daughter, Mary, with his

wife Catherine of Aragon. But he wanted a son

to take the crown when he died. All their other

babies died young. The answer was to divorce

Catherine and marry a younger wife.

Henry chose Anne Boleyn. But first he had

to divorce Catherine. The head of the Catholic

Church, the Pope, refused to allow Henry to

128

divorce Cath so Henry divorced the Pope and

made himself head of his own English church –

the Protestant Church. He then married Anne.

What could he do with Catherine? Pack her

off to the miserable Kimbolton Castle.

At Kimbolton she kept herself to one room

(which she only left to go to the castle chapel).

She dressed only in a scratchy hair shirt like a

nun and fasted all the time.

Henry let her have a few visitors, but she was

not allowed to see her daughter, Mary. Henry said,

Mary and Catherine refused his offer.

So Catherine suffered in lonely Kimbolton.

You can live in a finer palace

and see your daughter if you

agree that Anne Boleyn is the

rightful queen

WED, BEHEAD,

DEAD, REPEAT

129

A couple of servants were there to care for her

when she fell sick in January 1536.

Somehow – we don’t know exactly

how – the evil woman Anne Boleyn

managed to place her own wicked

servants here in Kimbolton. They have

poisoned Queen Catherine and all the

skills I have cannot help her

It was after I drank a

certain Welsh beer, sent

by the Boleyn woman

My lady has seen

the New Year come

She will not

see another

I am Doctor Miguel de Sa,

the queen’s loyal Spanish

doctor. Sadly she is very

sick. See here?

I am very sick. I think

I’ve been poisoned

130

DID YOU KNOW…?

Catherine died on 7 January. Her doctors examined

her heart. It was black in colour. The Tudor doctors

muttered, “poison”. Modern doctors say it was

probably cancer.

On the day Catherine was buried, the baby of her

enemy, Anne Boleyn, died.

The Legend

As you might have guessed, Catherine of Aragon’s

ghost walks the gallery. But more horrible, a story

says a young girl was thrown from the castle walls.

Her ghost also haunts those walls.

131

C

atherine of Aragon

had been popular

with the people of

England. She was kind

to the poor and a good

Catholic. Henry VIII was

hated by many people.

He wanted to close the

monasteries and make

the monks homeless.

It was the monks who

cared for the poor. So

a Catholic rebellion

started in the North of

England. It was known

as ‘The Pilgrimage of

Grace.’ Henry crushed it

with his usual cruelty.

32

BOLTON CASTLE

1537

Terrible Tale

The Abbot of Jervaulx monastery was Adam

Sedbar. He wasn’t a ruthless rebel but he did

love the Catholic Church. In 1536 he joined

the Pilgrimage of Grace.

A Catholic peasant army started attacking towns

132

in Yorkshire and Henry decided it was time to act.

The leaders of the Pilgrimage would be rounded

up and charged with treason. Of course they’d be

found guilty and executed. Fair trial? Henry VIII

didn’t do ‘fair’ trials.

Adam Sedbar fled to Bolton Castle where Baron

Scrope sheltered him. Henry’s soldiers followed

Sedbar, so the abbot fled to the hills to hide. They

soon captured him and took him to the Tower of

London.

He was hanged, drawn and quartered – that

means his insides were cut out while he was still

alive, his head cut off and his body was chopped

into four pieces. The heads of the rebels were

stuck on spikes over London Bridge as a lesson

to anyone who fancied being a rebel.

DID YOU KNOW…?

Bolton Castle was torched and took years to repair.

What do you think happened to Baron Scrope of

Bolton Castle who had given the abbot shelter?

a) Hanged, drawn and

quartered and his head

stuck on a pole?

133

b) He was forgiven by Henry VIII?

c) He drowned himself in the castle

duck-pond before Henry could

execute him?

The Legend

In 1568 Mary Queen of Scots ran away from

Scotland when her lords turned against her. She

ran to England and begged Queen Elizabeth I to

shelter her. Elizabeth locked cousin Mary away in

different castles for 18 years. Mary spent some time

in prison at Bolton Castle. Her ghost walks around

the courtyard.

Answer: b) Henry needed the lords to help him rule the country.

Scrope was allowed to live and went back to being a Member of

Parliament. Lucky Scrope.

Really? Apparently I also haunt

Stirling Castle, Borthwick Castle, Loch

Leven Castle, Craignethan Castle,

Fotheringhay Castle and Tutbury

Castle. Either I get around a bit or

you people need to get a life

134

H

enry VIII was

happy to see

the families on the

Borders of England

and Scotland fighting

each other. It stopped

the Scots invading.

In the lawless Borders

all sorts of terrible

things happened.

33

HAUGHTON CASTLE

1541

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135

Terrible Tale

If the lord of Haughton Castle, Thomas Swinburne

was ever accused of killing Archie Armstrong – a

notorious clan chief – his confession may have

looked like this…

20th day of March in the Year of Our Lord 1541

I did not murder Archie Armstrong. I quite liked him, but

his death was an accident. Sort of.

Everyone knows that Archie was the biggest rogue to

ride the Borders. He was head of the thieving, cattle-

stealing, sheep-rustling, highway-robbing Armstrong clan.

They didn’t care who they hurt.

So I was pleased when I caught him alone one day and a

troop of the King’s soldiers arrested him.

We decided to lock him in my dungeon until he could

be taken to Newcastle for a trial. I sat to dinner that night

mightily satisfied. I had made Northumberland a little safer.

136

But as I sat to dinner a messenger arrived. I was called

away to York. Of course I expected Armstrong to be there

when I got back. But when I reached York a few days later

I felt into my pocket and that’s when I found … the key.

I had the only key to his cell. Of course I raced back

from York Castle as fast as I could … but I was too late.

Armstrong was dead on the floor. He’d starved to death.

There was a lump torn out of his arm … just here …

where he’d tried to eat his own flesh to stay alive. A rope

would have been so much quicker.

Sorry, Johnny.

Get a spare made, before it’s too late!

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Keys

KEY CUTTING SERVICE

137

DID YOU KNOW…?

Swinburne said that he rode so hard to save Archie

his horse dropped dead at Durham, exhausted.

In 1541 the avenging Armstrong family

almost captured Haughton Castle from Thomas

Swinburne. Their raid scooped nine horses and

goods worth £40 – equivalent to a rich man’s

yearly pay.

The Legend

For many years the ghost of Archie Armstrong

haunted the castle until it was banished by a local

vicar, using a black bible. The ghost returned to

Haughton for a short time, while the bible was

taken to London for a new cover. But, when the

book was returned to Haughton, Archie’s ghost

was rarely seen again.

No one knows if there is a galloping ghost of

the poor dead-tired horse.

I’m not

galloping

anywhere

138

M

ary Queen

of Scots was

imprisoned in England.

In Scotland the lords

squabbled over the

right to rule when

she left. Sir William

Kirkcaldy promised to

look after Edinburgh

Castle for Mary and

keep out her enemies

till she could come

back with an army. But

Sir William’s enemies

kept him trapped inside

for two years from 1571

till 1573. Then they

borrowed huge English

guns from Berwick to

batter down the walls.

The diary of death was

about to begin…

34

EDINBURGH CASTLE

1573

WALL TOO HIGH?

OH, GET OVER IT!

139

Terrible Tale

25 April 1573

A trumpeter called to Kirkcaldy in the castle … “Surrender

or we fire our bloomin’ big gun.” Kirkcaldy turned to his

men, “Raise a red flag to show we will never surrender.”

15 May 1573

Thirty guns were aimed at the castle. Two could fire

hundred-pound cannonballs, needing a crane to load them.

17 May 1573

All the guns opened fire together. The castle guns fired

back. In the quiet between the shots, screams could be

heard from women in the castle.

23 May 1573

At last David’s Tower with its guns and men tumbled

down the cliffs to their doom.

28 May 1573

The attackers captured the main well and poisoned

another well. Kirkcaldy was lowered over the walls in

his armour.

Aieee. They’ll dirty me washing.

thanks for

dropping in

i want

peace talks

i don’t. i want your complete

surrender or nothing

140

29 May 1573

The hundred defeated defenders, with their wives and

children, marched out proudly, banners flying.

30 May 1573

But there was no happy ending for brave Kirkcaldy. He was

dragged on a sledge to the market cross and hanged along

with his brother.

1 June 1573

Their heads were hacked off and stuck on the ruined

castle walls.

i’m all choked up

ho hum, back to the castle again

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141

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1603 Francis Maubray was locked in the

castle and waiting to go on trial. For what? Just

for plotting to kill King James VI. Lots of people

wanted him dead. Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder

Plotters tried again two years later. Maubray tried to

escape from Edinburgh Castle. He made bed sheets

into a rope and climbed out of a window. The ‘rope’

snapped and he was smashed on the rocks below.

His crushed corpse was taken to court anyway.

He was found guilty and his dead body was hanged,

beheaded and cut into quarters. Don’t worry. It

probably didn’t hurt.

The Legend

From time to time a drummer can be heard marching

around the castle. It is a sure sign that some disaster is

about to happen.

142

35

MUNCASTER CASTLE

1580

N

ot all castles

had horribly

historical tales of

kings and queens and

fights with foul foes.

Sometimes ordinary

people had terrible

tales told about them.

Even a jolly jester in

Muncaster Castle.

IT’S JEST-A

JOKE!

143

Terrible Tale

Muncaster is one of Britain’s most haunted castles.

Tom Fool, the 16th century jester, is the most

powerful force but he’s rarely seen.

The lord told Tom Fool

to kill the carpenter

Did he die laughing?

No, Tom Fool got the

carpenter drunk and

used the poor man’s saw

to cut off his head

He got a

saw neck!

I say, I say, I say... At

Muncaster Castle the

jester Tom Fool was

ordered to act as

executioner

He had the

axe factor

The lord’s daughter fell

in love with a local

carpenter. The lord was

filled with horror

A hammer horror

144

DID YOU KNOW…?

After the Battle of Hexham in 1464 King Henry

VI fled to Muncaster Castle where Sir John

Pennington gave him shelter. Henry gave Sir John

a glass drinking bowl with a prayer for their good

fortune... so long as the glass stayed unbroken.

The glass is known as the ‘Luck of Muncaster’

and is still unbroken to this day. Not so lucky

for Henry VI who was murdered in the Tower of

London on the night of 21 May 1471. His ghost

appears at Muncaster Castle in the room where

he slept.

145

The Legend

Most Muncaster Castle hauntings happen in the

Tapestry Room. Visitors hear footsteps, see the

door handle turn and the door open … when

there is nobody there. A child is heard crying

by the window and sometimes a lady is heard

singing. Outside there’s a White Lady who haunts

the gardens and roads around Muncaster. She

is believed to be the ghost of Mary Bragg, a girl

murdered in the early 1800s on the road near the

Main Gate.

It may not be

scary but it’s

certainly noisy

146

M

ary Queen of Scots

was a nuisance.

The Catholics in

England wanted her for

their queen. A Catholic

plotter called Babington

said he would murder

Queen Elizabeth I and

set Mary Queen of

Scots free. Mary said,

‘Go ahead.’ Elizabeth’s

spies told Elizabeth

and so Mary had to die.

She was a prisoner at

Fotheringhay Castle. Her

beheading was messy.

36

FOTHERINGHAY CASTLE

1587

Terrible Tale

TEN FOUL FACTS ABOUT MARY’S EXECUTION

1 Mary didn’t know she was to die till the night

before it happened. She stayed awake all night,

147

writing letters and praying. It would have been

difficult to sleep with the scaffold being hammered

together in the great hall.

2 Mary’s jailers refused to let her have a Catholic

priest to pray with her. This was a bit spiteful.

They gave her a Protestant who was still trying

to convert her when she was on the scaffold. She

simply said, ‘I’ve lived a Catholic, so I will die a

Catholic.’ This didn’t stop him going on and on.

3 Mary’s servants read a Bible story with her. It was

the story of the good thief who died on the cross

alongside Jesus. Mary heard it and said, ‘That thief

was a great sinner – but not such a great sinner as I

have been.’ Well, she HAD plotted against Elizabeth I.

4 The queen was not allowed to die in private. Three

hundred people crowded into the hall to watch her

execution. The scaffold platform was decorated in a

pleasant shade of black and it made a very pleasant

day out for the spectators. Some reported that she

came into the hall ‘cheerful and smiling.’ So that

was all right.

148

5 The axe-man asked her to forgive him – that was

what executioners usually did. Mary did more and

thanked him for, ‘making an end to all my troubles’.

She probably hoped this would help his aim. It

didn’t.

6 Mary was dressed in black until the time came for

her to die. She took her dress off and was wearing a

red petticoat underneath. She slipped on red sleeves

and was all in red, so the blood wouldn’t show. She

wore a turban round her head to keep her hair out

of the way of the axe. Her eyes were bound with a

white cloth, trimmed in gold.

7 The axe-man’s assistant held Mary’s body steady

while the axe fell. It missed the neck and cut into

the back of her head. Her servants later said they

heard her mutter, ‘Sweet Jesus.’ The second chop

was a better shot but it still needed a bit of sawing

with the axe to finish it off.

8 Traitors always had their severed heads held

up for the spectators to look at. The executioner

would cry out, ‘May all traitors die this way.’

149

Mary’s executioner picked up the head by the

hair … but no one told him Mary was wearing

a wig. The head slipped out and bounced over

the scaffold. (Her real hair was short and grey.)

The executioner was a bit upset and he forgot

his lines. The Protestant priest was left to cry

out, ‘Let this be the end to all the Queen’s

enemies.’

9 Mary’s pet dog, a Skye Terrier, had slipped into

the hall under the cover of her skirts and was

still hiding there when her head was lopped off.

It finally came out, whimpering. It’s said that

the dog refused to eat and pined away until

it died.

10 Mary’s heart was removed and was buried in

Fotheringhay Castle’s grounds and hasn’t been

seen since. Mary asked to be buried in France.

So, of course, she was buried in Peterborough,

which is not quite the same thing. In 1612 her son,

by then James I of England, had her coffin moved

to Westminster Abbey where it is today.

150

DID YOU KNOW…?

Elizabeth I had sent a message to Mary’s jailer

telling him it would be better if he could quietly

murder Mary. It may have been better if he had.

Mary’s body was taken away to be mummified

while her blood-stained clothes were burned. When

her body was moved to Westminster Abbey – it was

buried near the tomb of her enemy, Elizabeth I. Of

course James made sure Mary’s tomb was bigger

than killer-queen Elizabeth’s.

The Legend

At Fotheringhay, the Scottish national flower, the

thistle, grew. People said the thistles sprang from

the tears of Mary Queen of Scots.

Thistle be where

her teardrops fell

151

B

y the 1600s, castles

were still useful

as prisons. They were

often cold and damp

places. People died

just from being in

prison. Especially

if they were old and

weak when they

were locked away.

37

LANCASTERCASTLE

1612

Terrible Tale

Lancaster Castle was the prison where the Pendle

witches were locked up and put on trial in 1612.

Good afternoon. Welcome to the site where the

Pendle witches were hanged in 1612. Old Mother

Demdike and her granddaughter Alizon Device

were brought here and accused of witchcraft

What fun. Black cats and

broomsticks and spells. Cute

152

Not really. Mother Demdike had accused a

villager of stealing. So the villager accused

Mother Demdike and Alizon of witchcraft.

Alizon panicked in the witness box

It’s true – my grandmother was a

servant of the Devil. I saw her charm a can

of milk so that a quarter pound of butter

appeared in it

Oh come on. Mother

Demdike sat in her

house with only one

thin dress to wear. She

was eighty years old

and completely blind.

Would the Devil treat

his servants so badly,

Alizon?

Well,

he did

Jennet Device was

just nine years old

but the court believed

her tales about the

witches in her village

My mother had a party

on Good Friday when all

good people should be in

church. She’s a witch

153

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1633 Jennet herself was accused of being a

witch ... by a ten-year-old boy. In the end he said

he was lying. But Jennet was not set free until she

had paid for the cell and the food she’d had while

she was in Lancaster Castle jail.

Between the 1400s and the 1700s over five

hundred men and women were hanged for

being witches.

The Legend

King James I was on the throne at the time of the

Lancaster witchcraft trials. He believed there were

several black-magic plots to kill him before he came

to the English throne. He went along to secretly

watch them being tortured.

All Mother Demdike’s family and most of her

neighbours were found guilty of causing death or

harm by witchcraft. The next day they were all hanged

on Gallows Hill. She died in Lancaster Castle jail

Gee. Not so cute after all then?

154

38

WARWICK CASTLE

1628

K

ing Charles I

came to the

throne in 1625. The

English people wanted

to rule the country

through Parliament.

Charles I wanted to

rule. In the end the

king and his lords (the

Royalists) went to

war with Parliament

and the people (the

Roundheads). But life

(and death) went on

in the great castles

like Warwick.

Terrible Tale

The Earls of Warwick have been so important in

English history. Back in 1431 the Earl of Warwick

was in charge of the trial of Joan of Arc. He made

sure she was burned to death in the marketplace

at Rouen in northern France.

155

The Warwick earls were big in the Wars of the

Roses too – in 1469 the earl locked away King

Edward IV.

An Earl of Warwick was even part of the 1605

Gunpowder Plot. Some of the plotters waited at

Warwick Castle to hear if Guy Fawkes had blown

up Parliament. When they heard he’d failed they

stole horses from the stables at Warwick to help

in their escape.

Some Earls of Warwick died horribly. In 1628

Ralph Heywood was a top servant to the earl,

Fulke Greville. He was sure he would be left a lot

of money in the earl’s will when he died. Then he

discovered he wasn’t. Heywood was so furious he

took a knife and stabbed the earl. He then turned

the knife and stabbed himself to death.

The earl may have lived but his doctors treated

the wounds by packing them with pig fat. The pig

fat turned bad and made the wounds poisonous.

Earl Fulke Greville died in terrible pain four weeks

after the attack.

A witch

A what? No, a witch I’m not

156

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1153, the wife of the 2nd Earl of Warwick was

defending the castle from King Henry II. She was

told that her husband had died in battle – that was

a lie. So she gave up. When he heard that his wife

had handed over the castle, the earl really did die

from the shock.

The Legend

Murdered Fulke Greville’s ghost is said to haunt the

tower in which he lived.

He’s alive, he’s dead. I’ve got the castle, I’ve

lost the castle. Then he’s alive and dead

again. Emotional roller coaster or what?

157

T

he Roundheads

won the English

Civil War and King

Charles I was made a

prisoner in Carisbrooke

Castle.

39

CARISBROOKECASTLE

1649

Terrible Tale

Charles I was locked in Carisbrooke for almost

a year. Charles made several escape attempts but

they all failed. He also tried to smuggle secret

messages to friends. The messages said, ‘Send

the Scottish Army to set me free.’

The Roundhead leader, Cromwell was furious.

He said this was treason against the English

people… and the punishment for treason should be

death. A trial decided Charles should be executed.

Charles stepped onto the scaffold and prepared to

say some famous last words … but what were they?

158

As he took off his jewels and handed them to the

bishop beside him he said,

Brilliant. What a dramatic last word. But Charlie

had to go and spoil it. After a few moments of silent

prayer he took off the cloak and put his neck on the

block. The executioner brushed Charles’s hair to

the side to give him a clean cut. Charles said,

What a let-down. ‘Wait for the sign.’ What sort

of last words are they? They could be the last words

of a policeman trying to stop a steamroller at a

crossroads.

Remember

Wait for the sign

159

Anyway, Charles stretched out an arm, the axe

fell and cut off the head cleanly. The crowd surged

forward and some dipped handkerchiefs in the

blood.

Charles’ two youngest children were kept in

Carisbrooke, and Princess Elizabeth, aged 14,

caught a cold and died there.

DID YOU KNOW…?

After his execution Charles’s head was sewn back

onto his body so relatives could look at his body

before he was buried. After his enemy’s death,

however, Cromwell’s body was dug up again and

hanged then thrown in a ditch.

The blood of an executed

man is a good luck charm

Not for him

160

The Legend

Carisbrooke Castle is haunted by two ghosts. One

is a grey woman in a long cloak, walking four small

dogs on chains. The other is the ghost of a young

girl who drowned in the castle well. Her face can

be seen if you look down the well. Who’d have

thought it? Well, well, well.

Wonder if she’s got little ghostly poo bags if her

little ghostly doggies do little ghostly poos?

161

I

t may have been the

English Civil War

but Scotland was mixed

up in it too and lords

there took different

sides. So did ladies.

Terrible Tale

In the 1640s the Earl of Montrose fought to keep

Scotland for Charles II. But then he was captured.

His enemies treated him dreadfully. Montrose was

dressed in peasant rags, tied to an old horse and

led south. When the prisoner reached Skibo Castle

the lady of the house decided Montrose should

have the best seat at the dinner table.

Instead General Holbourn, the commander

of the guards, took that seat. The lady told the

general to move.

40

SKIBO CASTLE

1650

162

He refused. What did she do? She picked up a

steaming leg of roast lamb and a report says …

… and Montrose got to sit at the best seat.

The soldiers at the dinner table were scared this

might be part of a rescue attempt on Montrose.

It wasn’t. The lady just said it was her

dining room so her guests had to do what

SHE said.

The mutton went back on the table and

everyone ate it quietly. Tender meat but

tough lady.

She gave him such a great blow on his head,

it knocked him off his chair.

163

DID YOU KNOW…?

A leg of lamb may have given Montrose some

respect. But, after he was executed, it was a

leg of Montrose that was stuck on a pole over

a castle in Scotland. When King Charles II

returned as king 11 years later, Montrose’s

enemy was executed at the same spot.

The Legend

A legend tells the story of a young girl who was

murdered by a gardener of Skibo Castle. He hid

her body in the castle. While repairs were taking

place, years later, a skeleton was found behind a

wall in the building. Local people believed it was

the skeleton of the murdered girl. Some guests of

the castle have said they’ve seen the ghost of the

young girl dressed in white wandering around.

The White Lady now drifts through the castle

corridors, wailing and screaming.

164

T

here was a king

back on the throne.

Charles II. Many castles

had been smashed by

the Roundheads in

the English Civil War

and it wasn’t worth

patching them up.

The lords would start

building fine country

houses – stately homes

– instead. But the old

castles still had tales

to tell.

41

CHEPSTOW CASTLE

1680

Terrible Tale

Charles II was known as

‘The Merry Monarch’. Well,

he spent a lot of money on

having a good time. The poor

still starved in the streets

but that didn’t stop Cheerful

Charlie Two having fun.

165

He wanted to forget the Civil War and all the

fighting … EXCEPT for the men who had signed

his dad’s death warrant. THEY would pay with their

lives. They were hunted down.

Henry Marten was one of the men who sent

Charles I to the executioner’s axe. Even before

Charles I was executed he was one of the people

who wanted an end to royalty.

He thought all humans should be treated the

same. We are all level … so his group was known

as the ‘Levellers’. He almost got his way when

Charles I’s head was level with the ground.

Charles II sentenced ten of his father’s killers to

be hanged, drawn and quartered. Henry Marten

was spared that terrible death … but was locked

away in Chepstow Castle till he died in 1680.

I want to see the royal family destroyed

MARTEN: THIS CASTLE’S NOT

ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE

166

How did he die?

a) A royal assassin sneaked into Chepstow and

stabbed him.

b) He was walking along the walls and fell off.

c) He choked to death while eating his supper.

Answer: c)

167

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1638 the Leveller John Lilburne was punished

for saying there should be no king or queen. He

was stripped to the waist and his hands were tied

to the back of the cart. An executioner lashed the

prisoner with his three-strand, knotted whip. It was

said that Lilburne received 500 lashes along the

way, making 1,500 stripes to his back during the

two-mile walk.

A report said ...

All because, like Henry Marten, he said ...

The Legend

A cave under Chepstow Castle was once explored

by a man who said he’d seen King Arthur and

his knights lying there asleep. He ran away after

making noises which made the knights stir.

No single man is wise

enough to run the

whole country

168

W

hen Charles II

died, his brother

James II took the

throne. But James was

a Catholic and not

popular. He was chased

out of the country by

the Protestants.

He decided to get

his throne back

by landing in the

north of Ireland

then invading. But

it didn’t go to plan.

42

DERRY CASTLE

1688

Terrible Tale

King James II landed in Ireland and was supported

by Dublin Catholics. The Catholic army

approached Derry – led from behind by the elderly

Earl of Antrim who followed in a luxury coach.

The Catholic army expected the town to

surrender quietly but when they were just fifty

169

metres from the town gates a group of thirteen

Protestant apprentice boys closed the gates and

locked them. The Siege of Derry had begun.

When King James himself arrived to command

the siege it is the Protestant cry that is remembered

to this day…

The new king, William, finally arrived to help

Derry on 28 July 1689 – after siege had lasted

105 days.

The Catholics were defeated and jumpy James II

fled to France. Was he grateful for the way his

supporters had suffered to fight for him? Jim

said…

Nice man.

NO SURRENDER!

I blame the Irish Catholics for my defeat

170

DID YOU KNOW…?

At the Siege of Derry the defenders were starving.

The attackers were allowing some of their cows

to graze near walls. The defenders rushed out to

capture a cow. They killed 300 attackers ... but

failed to capture a single cow.

Someone in the hungry town then suggested an

experiment. They took one of the last remaining

cows inside Derry. The cow was to be tied to a stake

and then burned alive. A sort of steak at the stake.

The idea was that her cries would then attract other

cows outside to rush to her rescue.

Fortunately the cow got loose from the flames

and escaped.

I know history can be horrible but

I didn’t expect it to be daft as well

171

The Legend

There is a story that James II fled from the Battle of

the Boyne and whinged to an old woman who had

the perfect answer…

My cowardly Irish

soldiers ran away

Aye, but Your

Majesty won

the race

172

J

ames II was defeated.

But still the Scots

wanted the Stuart family

on the throne. The

English were worried.

What if the Scots started

a war and used their

castles to fight the

English? They began to

knock down important

castles like Urquhart.

In 1692 it was smashed.

But didn’t disappear

from history. For

Urquhart stands

on the shore of Loch

Ness, and there are

reports of a terrible

monster that lives in

the waters.

43

URQUHART CASTLE

1692

Terrible Tale

In 1933 people began to report

a strange creature in Loch Ness,

Scotland – and start a monster

hunt that has gone on ever since.

Urquhart Castle, they said, was

the best place to see the creature.

Then World War Two started in 1939.

In 1941 an Italian newspaper reported

that the bombing of Scotland was so

heavy, the Loch Ness Monster was

killed by a direct hit. (The Italians

said they’d made a messy of Nessie …

but the newspapers were lying).

174

DID YOU KNOW…?

Urquhart Castle has the ruins of a dovecote ...

a home for doves. There were three reasons

for keeping doves. Which three of the

following?

1 For their eggs

2 For eating

3 For their singing

4 For their poo

5 For cat food

?

Who needs

vegetables

Answer: 1, 2 & 4. The poo could be used to spread on the gardens

to make vegetables grow better. Coo, I bet you didn’t guess that.

175

The Legend

When the 1930s monster reports started then old

legends were remembered.

One legend said that in ad 580 a saint called

Columba was the first person to meet the famous

Loch Ness Monster. He defeated it, naturally. (Sadly

he didn’t have a video camera with him because

they hadn’t been invented. If he had then he could

have made a fortune from selling the recording.)

Some legends record that the monk died in Nessie’s

jaws and Columba brought him back to life.

You were snatched away

in the jaws of Nessy

Thanks for my rescue, that

could have been messy

176

J

ames II was too

old to invade

England again. But

rebel Scots supported

his grandson, Bonnie

Prince Charlie. The

Scots attacked England

in 1715 and again in

1745. They lost in the

end but castles in the

North of England were

filled with soldiers

again. Castles like

Richmond.

44

RICHMOND CASTLE

1745

Terrible Tale

There is a story of secret underground passages

between the castle and Easby Abbey, a few

miles away. Underground tunnels are a great

idea for a castle. If the enemy surrounds you

in a siege you can use the tunnels to get in and

out with food.

177

It is said that castle soldiers in the 1745 Scottish

rebellion discovered the entrance to a narrow

passage. Was this the secret tunnel to Easby?

Who was brave enough to go into the dank

and dark hole to see where it led? They sent

down a little drummer boy because he could

fit in easily.

He’s got a tunnel

178

The boy was told to play as he marched

underground so the soldiers could follow the

drumming from above. The boy marched under

the ground. The soldiers followed above.

Then … disaster. A mile from the abbey the

drumming stopped. The boy was never seen

again … but it is said you can still hear the

distant drums rattle below the ground. A

stone now marks the spot where he fell silent.

DID YOU KNOW…?

You know you are posh when you have your own

private toilet. Richmond Castle has the ‘Gold Hole

Tower’. In it there were rooms with a wooden seat

over a hole. You sat, you pooed and it fell into the

moat below. But the ones at Richmond were only to

be used by the earl and his family. A private toilet.

SUPER POOPER

179

You don’t get any posher than that.

The Legend

You may have heard this one somewhere before …

under the keep of the castle, deep underground, is a

secret room where King Arthur sleeps until Britain

needs him.

That sleeping army gets around a bit doesn’t it?

Restless sleepwalkers maybe?

That’s high class dung that is. Top

droppings, deluxe doo-doos, snobby

jobbies, excellent excrement, classy...

I get the idea

180

S

cotland and England

were at peace again.

Castles were still useful

as prisons and as homes

for landowners. In the

1691 Lowther Castle

was rebuilt to make

a fine home for the

Earl of Lonsdale. He

dropped the name

‘castle’ and called it

Lowther Hall. But

it could be as creepy

as any castle and just

the place for dark

and dirty deeds.

45

LOWTHER CASTLE

1784

Terrible Tale

• James Lowther was lord of Lowther castle. He is

remembered as ‘Wicked Jimmy’. Why? I am glad

you asked and I will tell you.

• In 1784 James took over the castle. He was

married to Mary but had lots of girlfriends.

181

• And then he fell in love with the daughter of

one of the farmers on his lands. He was really

happy. Mary probably wasn’t.

• Then tragedy struck. The farmer’s daughter died.

James wept. He couldn’t bear to be without her.

So he had her put to bed in his bedroom. Dead.

He ate meals with her corpse sat next to him.

• Of course her body started to

go mouldy and

smelled terrible.

The servants

complained.

So she was put

in a glass coffin and

the coffin was put in a

cupboard. The pong was

sealed in but he could still look at her. Yeuch.

• After seven weeks she was finally buried in

Paddington Cemetery near Wicked Jimmy’s

London home.

182

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1792 in London Jimmy got into an argument

with an army captain. They decided to have a

duel to sort it out. That was how a gentleman

ended an argument.

They both fired. They both missed. They

shook hands. The end.

CAN

YOU

NOT

SEE

GOOD?

Are you fed up

of creating

a spectacle of

yourself at duels?

Visit the eye

doctor today, we’ll

make your vision

laser sharp

Your enemies

will never see

you coming!

183

The Legend

Sir James returned to Lowther where he fell into a

deep gloom and died on 24 May 1802. It is said that

his coffin swayed over the open grave at his funeral

and the mourners heard a knocking noise coming

from inside. Some stories even say his angry spirit

leapt from its coffin and tried to strangle the people

at the graveside.

Sir James’ ghost appears when the moon is full

on 24 May. Wicked Jimmy can be seen sitting on

a carriage, riding madly through the parkland, as

he whips his ghastly, ghostly, shabby horses into

a wild gallop.

Shabby?

The cheek

I

t seemed as if castles

would never be used

for defence again. Then

Britain went to war with

the French and their

emperor, Napoleon.

The British were

worried Napoleon

might invade so some

of the castles around

the coast were turned

into strongholds again.

46

DOVER CASTLE

1803

That should

keep them out

185

Terrible Tale

After his victory at Hastings in 1066, William the

Conqueror built a timber castle then a stone one

at Dover. From then on Dover Castle was used as

a fortress until 1958.

Why wasn’t Dover Castle wrecked like others

in the Civil War? In August 1642, most people in

Dover were Roundheads. The Cavaliers were inside

Dover Castle. The Dover people climbed the cliffs,

surprised the soldiers inside and captured the castle

with hardly a sound. Not even a cannon cracking

the walls. That’s why it’s one of the largest castles

in England.

In 1790s, during the wars against Napoleon,

Dover Castle’s defences were made stronger again.

More gun posts were added, and the roof of the

keep was taken off so that heavy cannon could

be used from the top.

How heavy?

186

Tunnels were dug fifty metres below ground

where soldiers could live, ready to attack if the

French crossed the English Channel. There were

over three miles of tunnels. Sadly the tunnels were

dripping with damp and sometimes collapsed. By

1803 there were 2,000 soldiers living there, in the

only underground army camp ever built in Britain.

DID YOU KNOW…?

Dover Castle and its tunnels were used again in

1939 when World War Two began.

The Legend

Visitors and staff have heard the sound of

drumming coming from the castle walls and some

even say they have seen a headless figure walking

along them late at night. This ghost is said to be

Sean Flynn, a 15-year-old drummer boy.

Sean had been sent from the castle to the town of

Dover late one night to do some shopping. But two

savage soldiers had heard that Sean was carrying a

lot of money. They jumped on him. Sean tried to

fight them off, but one mighty blow from a sword

took off his head. Now he’s back to haunt the castle.

187

47

CARDIFF CASTLE

1831

I

n 1825 the first

passenger steam

trains were running. It

was part of the changing

world we call the

Industrial Revolution.

Coal and iron were

kings in Wales. But the

workers stayed poor.

Castles were not a lot

of use except as places

where criminals could

be executed. Criminals

AND innocent people

were hanged outside

the ancient walls.

Terrible Tale

The Welsh iron workers didn’t take the rich and

bullying iron masters without a fight.

INSERT PERSON HERE

188

They wanted to protest against the dreadful

conditions they had to live in. Tiny houses

crammed together, disease and filth everywhere.

The town of Merthyr Tydfil was packed with 22,000

people. Twenty-five years before there had only

been 7,000. No wonder the iron workers wanted

things to change.

In fact some died fighting for change. Men like

Dic Penderyn…

THE CARDIFF BUGLE

CYMRU AM BYTH

Dic dies

declaring ‘I

didn’t do it.’

BETH YW’R SGÔR?

Find out in our 167-page rugby section

PLUS.

YUM SCRUM. PERFECT RUGBY RECIPES TO TACKLE

S

aturday 13th August

1831 was the last day for

Richard Lewis – commonly

known as Dic Penderyn.

Penderyn

189

He was hanged at St.

Mary’s Street, outside

Cardiff Castle in front of a

large crowd.

Dic was part of the

Merthyr Riots back in May.

The iron-workers of

Merthyr went on a march to

get a better wage and to try

and get the vote.

They marched into

Merthyr and ransacked

houses and robbed them.

One man in the crowd

denied this. The man,

known as Huw, said, ‘We

weren’t robbers. The law

officers had taken away

our furniture because we

were in debt. We were just

taking them back.’

The iron workers went on

to raid the courtroom, steal

the court records and burn

them in the streets.

Huw went on, ‘There was

no need to send in the army.

They shot twenty-four of

the workers dead.’

But 16 soldiers were also

wounded and that’s what

led to the trials. Twenty-

eight men and women put

on trial.

They all ended up being

sentenced to transportation

to Australia. But for some

reason Dic was sentenced to

hang. Penderyn was found

guilty of stabbing a soldier.

But even the soldier said he

couldn’t identify Penderyn

as the man who stabbed

him.

It’s said that the two men

who accused Penderyn,

weren’t even at the

riot. They were two

hairdressers. But Dic had

just had an argument

with them. They hated

him.

Still he died bravely. Dic

Penderyn, hands tied behind

his back, was led onto the

scaffold by a minister of the

chapel.

Dic called ‘O Arglwydd,

dyma ganwedd.’ Our Welsh

readers will know that

means, ‘I am going to suffer

unfairly.’

The hangman placed a

white bag over Penderyn’s

head and tied his feet. He

pulled the lever and there

was a gasp from crowd.

As the man Huw said, ‘Dic

Penderyn - A Welsh martyr.’

190

Poor Dic was only 23 years old and he was

probably innocent.

Forty years after the hanging a man called Ieuan

Parker confessed on his deathbed that he was the

one who stabbed the soldier all those years ago.

Dic is remembered as a hero of the iron workers.

But in fact Dic was a miner.

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1679 two priests, John Lloyd and Philip Evans,

were accused of preaching a Catholic service in

Protestant Cardiff. The main witness against them

was an elderly woman ... who had been paid £50 to

say she’d seen them.

The judge found them guilty then told them to

report back to the court in three months’ time to

hear their fate. Plenty of time to run away then?

But that was the amazing thing. They swore to wait

till three months had passed and kept their word.

Philip Evans was brought the news of his death

sentence while he was playing tennis near St. John’s

Church in Cardiff. When he heard the news he said,

What hurry is there? Let me first finish my game

191

He was sentenced to be hanged, drawn and

quartered at Cardiff Castle. He heard the news and

sang and played the harp in his cell. He stood on the

scaffold, with the rope around his neck and said,

Then they butchered him and John Lloyd horribly.

The Legend

Robert, Duke of Normandy, was imprisoned by

his brother, King Henry I, from 1106 until 1134.

He spent his last eight years in Cardiff. There is

a story that says the bridge over the River Taff in

Cardiff is haunted by a grey lady called Sarah. She

is waving towards the castle, looking for Duke

Robert ... the love of her life. But he won’t see her

waving. When he was put in Cardiff Castle Duke

Robert had his eyes plucked out.

This is the best pulpit any man can preach from

Maybe you should

throw a rock

192

B

y the 1900s some

castles had been

knocked down to make

way for grand houses.

Others were rebuilt

to be comfortable

homes or for tourists

to visit.

48

BAMBURGH CASTLE

1902

Terrible Tale

Bamburgh Castle was bought by Lord Armstrong

in 1894. It had been a fortress on the borders of

Scotland since the days of the Ancient Britons.

It had been fortified by the Saxons in ad 590

DUNGEON

GIFT SHOP

193

then destroyed by Viking raiders in 993. The

Normans rebuilt it and it was besieged by King

William II. In the Middle Ages the Scots attacked

it and it became the first castle ever to be defeated

by the use of cannons.

But no one cared for it and by the days of Queen

Victoria it had crumbled and collapsed.

Then along came Lord Armstrong who wanted

to turn it into a home for himself and houses for

the poor. Local people were shocked.

It cost the Lord Armstrong £1 million to restore

the castle. But maybe the locals had the last laugh.

The new castle was finished in 1902 but Lord

Armstrong never got to see it because he carelessly

died in 1900. Well, he was 90 years old and as

crumbly as the old castle.

All that history.

You’ll ruin it!

It’s already

a ruin

I never

thought

of that

194

DID YOU KNOW…?

The castle has been used by filmmakers to make

movies many times. You can see Bamburgh in

a dozen films from ‘Robin Hood’ to ‘Elizabeth

I’ to Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’. (Not one of those

characters went near Bamburgh Castle. Ever.

But it looks good on film.)

The Legend

Bamburgh is the home of the legend of the Laidley

Worm … a ‘Worm’ being a monster dragon.

Princess Margaret’s mother, the queen of

Northumbria, died. Margaret’s brother, Childewynd,

was away at the crusades. Her father said he

planned to marry again.

Margaret waited at the gates of the castle to greet

her new stepmother. One of the knights who rode

beside the new queen saw Margaret and said she

was the most beautiful woman in the land. The

stepmother was a wicked witch – they usually

are in fairy tales – and turned Margaret into the

hideous Laidley Worm. She’d stay that way, the

witch said, till Childewynd kissed it. The worm

ate everything in sight.

The people were panicked. A wise man told them

to feed the worm seven cows each day (a magic

number) and send for Childewynd to sort it.

He returned to slay the worm but the worm cried:

Lay down your sword, unbend your bow,

And give me kisses three;

For though I am a poisonous worm,

No harm I’ll do to thee.

You guessed the rest? Childewynd kisses the

worm. Margaret is Margaret again.

Wynd went to the castle,

touched the queen

with the branch

of a rowan tree

(witches can’t

bear that) and

she shrivelled

up, till she

became a huge

ugly toad.

She croaked

and she hissed,

and then hopped away

down the castle steps.

Wynd and Margaret

lived happy ever after.

196

B

y the 1910s some

people in southern

Ireland were rebelling

against the British

ruling them from

London. The old

castle at Dublin was

a battle site again.

49

DUBLIN CASTLE

1916

Terrible Tale

In 1916 the rebels marched on Dublin. The rebels

were outnumbered. When the fighting started the

British army had three times as many men as the

Irish. By the end of a week they had twenty times

as many.

The rebels were cruelly killed by better weapons.

They dug trenches in St. Stephen’s Green Park.

But those trenches were overlooked by the tall

Shelbourne Hotel and rebels were machine-gunned

from the windows.

197

The rebels stole workmen’s carts to build

barricades – when a harmless workman tried

to take his cart away they shot him in the head.

An unarmed policeman at Dublin Castle asked

them politely to leave. They shot him in the head.

Ordinary people of Dublin shared the suffering

of the rebels.

• A nun was killed shutting

a convent window

• A young girl was killed

as she stood in her door

watching the fighting

• One man raised his hand to wave to a friend and

was shot dead by British soldier who thought he

was going to throw a bomb

All over central Dublin, the dead were buried in

back gardens.

Your room service, sir

DID YOU KNOW…?

In 1185 Prince John arrived in Dublin and he was

trouble. His lords made fun of the Irish chiefs.

What did they do?

a) pull their ponytails

b) pull their beards

c) pull their helmets off

Answer: b) The fashion in England was to shave your face –

especially if you were a man. (The women didn’t bother so much.)

The Irish chiefs wore beards. John’s knights teased them by tugging

their beards.

The Irish chiefs were furious and became rebels. The English had

to build Dublin Castle to protect their people.

199

The Legend

Conor O’Devany was a Franciscan friar and bishop.

In 1612, aged nearly 80 years old, he was accused

of treason.

His punishment was to be publicly hanged in

Dublin, have his guts pulled out before he was

dead and then be cut into quarters.

The large Catholic crowd felt sorry for him, of

course, but they pushed and jostled each other

to get scraps of his clothing (or dip cloths in his

blood). They didn’t just do this after he was dead –

they did it while he was being executed.

That’s revolting

200

O

f all the castles in

Britain the most

popular is the Tower of

London. It has millions

of visitors each year.

They come to see the

Crown Jewels and the

place where so many

horribly historical acts

of torture and execution

happened. Maybe they

hope to see one of the

ghosts. Not many know

it was still being used

for executions in World

War Two.

50

TOWER OF LONDON

1941

Terrible Tale

The last person to be executed at the Tower was

German spy Josef Jakobs who was shot on 15

August 1941.

In 1940 Joseph had been made an officer in

the German army. Then they discovered he had

a criminal past – he’d been flogging fake gold.

201

He was offered a job as

a spy and agreed to fly

over Britain and drop in

a parachute.

He was given a little

training but he was never

taught to parachute. His

first jump was when he was

dropped over England and

(surprise, surprise) when he

landed he broke his ankle. Two

farmers spotted him and the Home

Guard (or Dad’s Army) arrested him.

There was no doubt he was an enemy spy. He

was caught still wearing his German flying suit,

he had £498 in British money, forged papers, a

radio set, and … the big giveaway … a German

sausage.

Jakobs was found guilty of spying and sentenced

to death. He was a soldier in the German Army

so he had to die like a soldier – shot by a firing

squad, not hanged like the other spies who’d

been caught.

He was taken to the Tower, he was sat,

blindfolded, in a chair (because of his broken

ankle) and shot eight times.

The blood-stained history of the Tower had

one last victim.

?

202

DID YOU KNOW…?

From 1250 there was a Royal Menagerie at the

Tower. King Henry III had a polar bear and the

people of London loved it when the bear went

fishing in the River Thames.

In 1254, the keepers of the Tower were ordered to

pay for the building of an elephant house at the

Tower.

Later lions were kept in the area known as Lion

Tower. Over the years the kings and queens

received animals as gifts like three leopards from

Frederick III, the Holy Roman Emperor.

Do I really have

to swim in that?

I wanted curtains

Do we get a leopard tower, hmm?

203

In 1393 Richard II was given a camel and his wife

given a pelican.

In the 1700s the zoo was open to the public. It

cost three half-pence to get in. Or what ELSE

could you pay to get in?

a) you could hand over a cat or dog to be fed

to the lions

b) you could scrub the floors in the White Tower

c) you could brush the lion’s mane

The Legend

Anne Boleyn was beheaded in 1536 when her

husband, Henry VIII, grew tired of her. She haunts

the chapel where she is buried, and has been seen

walking around the White Tower carrying her head

under her arm. Well, where else would she carry it?

Call me Humpty again and I’ll

get my friend here to peck you

Answer: a) A bit rough on your cat ... and a bit woof on your dog.

By 1828 there were over 280 animals and at least 60 different

types. The last animals left in 1832, and went to Regent’s Park Zoo.

Why? Because one of the lions bit a soldier.

Seems harsh

205

EPILOGUE

M

ost castles are

ruined these days.

But they are still popular

places to visit.

It isn’t the dry and tumbling stones that people go

to see. They go to see where people from the past

lived and hear the strange stories that are told.

A lot of those tales are quite horrible. We human

beings seem to like being shocked by dreadful

deeds, not sweet stories.

The world will never change. We don’t want

happy history, do we? We all want horrible histories.

SITE OF

GRISLY

MURDER

GIFT

SHOP

207

INTERESTING

INDEX

Where will you find bloody battles, ghastly ghosts

and terrifying toilets in an index?

In a Horrible Histories book, of course!

abbeys 93, 149–50, 176–8

Abergavenny Castle (Wales) 50–3

Alfred the Great (Wessex king) 25–6

armies 16, 28–9, 32–3, 37, 43–4, 66, 71, 82,

97, 107, 111, 116–17, 126, 131, 138, 157, 168, 179,

182, 186, 189, 196, 200–1

armour 49, 63, 69, 139

arrows, aiming 14, 49, 60, 69, 114

Arthur (legendary king) 19–21, 101, 167, 179

axes 32, 143, 148, 159, 165

Babington, Anthony (English rebel) 146

bacon 53, 66

Bacon, Roger (English lord) 92

Bamburgh Castle (England) 192–5

barons 65, 73, 80, 132

baths, hot 16

battering rams, bashing 113

battlements 59, 69

battles, bloody 24, 28, 30–3, 76, 81, 88–9,

98, 107, 110, 117, 119, 122, 144, 156, 171, 196

bears 202

Beckett, Thomas (English archbishop) 46

Bedford Castle (England) 73–5

Beeston Castle (England) 70–2

beheadings, brutal 39, 49, 99–100, 103, 107,

117–18, 126, 132, 140–1, 143, 146–50, 159, 165,

186, 203

Berkeley Castle (England) 81–3

bishops, and archbishops 36, 46, 90, 93–4,

158, 199

Black Death (pestilential plague) 84–7, 92

208

blood 12, 23, 27, 36, 52, 64, 86, 90, 107, 124,

148, 150, 159, 199, 201

bodies, broken 26–7, 36, 45, 52, 58, 64, 68,

86, 102, 132, 141, 148, 150, 159, 163, 181

Boleyn, Anne (Henry VIII’s 2nd wife) 127–9,

203

Bolingbroke Castle (England) 84–7

Bolton Castle (England) 131–3

bombings 173, 197

books 29, 107, 137

borders 134–5, 192

bowels 82

Braose, William (Norman lord) 50–3

bridges 118, 132, 191

Caerleon Fort (Wales) 16–18

Caernarfon Castle (Wales) 76–80

camels 95–6

cannons 109–10, 114, 139, 185, 193

Canute (English king) 28

Caracalla (Roman emperor) 17–18

Caractacus (British leader) 14, 16–18

Cardiff Castle (Wales) 187–91

Carisbrooke Castle (England) 157–60

carriages 183

catapults 66, 74, 115, 120

cathedrals 35, 38, 46, 90

Catherine of Aragon (Henry VIII’s 1st wife)

127–30

Catholic Church 127, 131, 146–7, 168, 190, 199

cats 19, 72, 108, 151, 174, 203

Cavaliers 97, 185

caves 21, 24, 48, 101, 167

Celts, cut-throat 19

Charles I (English king) 154, 157, 165

Charles II (English king) 161, 163–5, 168

Chepstow Castle (England) 164–7

children 62, 77–9, 86–7, 90, 97, 102, 116, 140,

145, 159

chivalry (code of behaviour) 54

choking 140, 166

churches 9, 38, 48, 65, 86, 89–90, 100,

127–8, 131, 152, 190

Cilgerran Castle (Wales) 39–42

Civil War 71, 97, 157, 161, 164–5, 185

coaches 168

coal 187

coffins 64, 149, 181, 183

Comyn, John (Scottish lord) 89–90

Comyn, Robert (English earl) 35–8

Corfe Castle (England) 25–7, 53

corpses 38, 45, 68, 82, 86, 105, 112, 141, 181

cows (cattle) 111, 125, 135, 170, 195

Cromwell, Oliver (Roundhead leader)

157, 159

crossbows 63–4, 74

Crown Jewels 200

crownings/crowns 26–7, 61, 77–80, 88–9,

104, 127, 200

Crusades, crazy 54, 61, 63, 70, 113, 119–20, 194

daggers 59, 89

deer 90–1

Derry Castle (Northern Ireland) 168–71

Dinas Emrys Fort (Wales) 22–4

dinners 50–2, 102–4, 135–6, 162

diseases, deadly 84–8, 112, 188

disguises 93, 111

ditches 13, 18, 40, 159

doctors 129–30, 155, 182

dogs 19, 30, 118, 149, 160, 203

Dover Castle (England) 184–6

doves 174

dragons 24, 194

drawbridges 58–9

drums, distant 141, 177–8, 186

Dublin Castle (Irish Republic) 196–9

duels 182

209

Duncan (Scottish king) 28

dungeons 55, 91, 97, 135, 192

Dunsinane Castle (Scotland) 28–30

Durham Castle (England) 35–8

earls 35–7, 93, 106, 119, 154–6, 161, 178

ears 33

Edinburgh Castle (Scotland) 102, 138–41

Edward I (English king) 76–8, 81, 88

Edward II (English king) 79, 81–3, 88, 122

Edward III (English king) 81

Edward IV (English king) 155

Edward V (English king)

Edward VI (English king) 107

elephants 202

Elizabeth I (English queen) 133, 146–7,

150, 194

Ethelred the Unready (English king) 26–7

executions, endless 63, 75, 93–4, 122,

132–3, 143, 146–50, 157–9, 163, 165, 167, 187,

199–201

eyes 12, 24, 29–30, 49, 56–7, 59, 148, 182, 191

Fawkes, Guy (English rebel) 141

feasts 50–2, 103–4

feet 67, 112, 189

fires 37–8, 40, 62, 66, 74, 90, 113

forests 90

Fotheringhay Castle (England) 133, 146–50

Frederick III (Holy Roman Emperor) 202

funerals 45, 82, 183

Geoffrey of Monmouth (Welsh historian)

19–20

Geta (Roman emperor) 17–18

ghosts 19, 34, 48–9, 60, 64

ghastly 69, 80, 97, 105, 111, 126, 130, 133, 137

gruesome 144–5, 156, 160, 163, 183, 186,

200

gladiators, gory 16

Glyndwr, Owain (Welsh leader) 98–101

gold 24, 27, 70–1, 94, 148, 200

graves 45, 64, 100, 183

Greek fire (weapon) 113

guns 110, 138

guts 199

hands 55, 57–8, 63, 67, 110, 112, 121, 167, 182,

189, 197

hangings 64, 67, 75, 99–100, 125–6, 132,

140–1, 151, 153, 159, 165, 187–91, 199, 201

hares 87

Harold (English king) 31

Harrying of the North, horrendous 38

Hastings Castle (England) 31–4

Haughton Castle (England) 134–7

Henry I (English king) 41–2, 191

Henry II (English king) 46, 64, 156

Henry III (English king) 46, 73–5, 202

Henry IV (English king) 48, 71, 84, 95

Henry V (English king)

Henry VI (English king) 102, 106, 144

Henry VII (English king) 119, 122–3

Henry VIII (English king) 127–8, 131–3, 203

hermits 48

hillforts 14–15

historians, horrible 33, 98, 100

Home Guard (Dad’s Army) 201

horses 10, 26, 57, 111, 124–5, 137, 161, 183

Industrial Revolution 187

iron 13–14, 56, 187–90

Iron Age 13

Isabella (Edward II’s wife) 81–3, 95–6, 122

jailers/jails 82, 147, 150, 153

Jakobs, Josef (German officer) 200–1

James II (Scottish king) 102–5, 110–11

210

James IV (Scottish king) 123

James V (Scottish king) 125–6

James VI/I (Scottish/English king) 141,

149–50, 153

James VII/II (Scottish/English king) 168–9,

171–2

jesters 142–3

jewels 71, 158, 200

Joan of Arc (French leader) 154–5

John (English king) 46, 53, 65–8, 73–5,

119–20, 122, 198

Josce (Jewish leader) 62

jugglers 32

keepers 88, 100, 202

keeps (towers inside castles) 62, 66–7, 88,

179, 184–5

Keir Hardie, James (Welsh MP) 80

Kimbolton Castle (England) 127–30

Kirkcaldy, William (Scottish soldier)

138–40

knights 10–12, 21, 32–4, 44, 46, 51–2, 54–60,

122, 167, 194, 198

knives 58, 105, 155

Laidley Worm (legendary dragon) 194–5

Lancaster Castle (England) 151–3

landowners 180

legends 15, 18, 20–1, 24, 27

loads of 30, 32, 34, 38, 42, 45, 49, 53, 60,

64, 68, 72, 75, 80, 83, 87, 91, 94, 97, 100–1,

105, 108, 111, 113, 118

lots more 122, 126, 130, 133, 137, 141, 145,

150, 153, 156, 160, 163, 167, 171, 175, 179,

183, 186, 191, 194, 199, 203

leopards 202

Levellers (English activists) 165, 167

Lewis, Richard (Dic Penderyn) 188–90

Lilburne, John (English Leveller) 167

lions 202–3

Litster, Geoffrey (English rebel) 92–3

Lochindorb Castle (Scotland) 88–91

London, Tower of 132, 144, 200–4

Lowther Castle (England) 180–3

Ludlow Castle (England) 54–60

Macbeth (Scottish king) 28–30, 194

magic 21, 23, 30, 53, 153, 195

Magna Carta (great charter) 65

Maiden Castle (England) 13–15

mangonels (siege weapons) 74

map, of castles 6–7

Marten, Henry (English Leveller) 165–7

Mary I (English queen) 127–8

Mary (queen of Scots) 126, 133, 138, 146–50

massacres 76, 100, 120

Matilda (English queen) 43–6

mercenaries, money-making 107–8

Merlin (legendary magician) 21–4

Middle Ages 115, 124, 193

moats 178

monasteries 57, 90, 131

money 10, 61, 107, 155, 164, 186, 201

monks 19, 36, 45, 131, 175

monsters 19, 110, 172–3, 175, 194

Mortimer, Roger (English earl) 82, 122

Muncaster Castle (England) 142–5

murders, many 17, 26, 50, 53, 62, 71, 81–3,

100, 102, 104, 135, 144–6, 150, 156, 163, 205

Napoleon (French emperor) 184–5

Ness, Loch 172–3, 175

Nest (Welsh princess) 39–42

newspapers 26, 51, 173, 188–90

Normans, nasty 31–9, 50–2, 54, 193

Norwich Castle (England) 92–4

noses 55, 64

Nottingham Castle (England) 119–22

211

onagers (catapults) 115

outlaws 41, 90–1

Oxford Castle (England) 43–5

palisades (castle fences/walls) 34

peasants 9–10, 95, 131–2, 161

pee 18

pelicans 95–6

Percy, Henry (Norman knight) 48–9

petards (explosive devices) 115

pigs 66, 155

Pilgrimage of Grace 131–2

plots 18, 119–20, 146–7

black magic 153

Gunpowder Plot 141, 155

poets 82

poison, putrid 63, 129–30, 139, 155, 195

pokers 82

Pontefract Castle (England) 95–7

poo (dung/excrement) 12, 160, 174, 178–9

popes 74–5, 127–8

posh people 9, 178–9

Powderham Castle (England) 106–8

priests 62, 86, 147, 149, 190

prisoners 47, 56, 67, 82,87, 91, 99, 107, 112,

125, 146, 157, 161, 167

Protestant Church 128, 147, 149, 168–9, 190

pus 86

Radnor Castle (Wales) 98–101

ramparts (mounds) 13–14, 34, 122

rams, battering 113

rebellions/rebels 11, 36–8, 76, 86, 92–5,

107, 121–2, 131–2, 176–7, 196–8

revenge 38, 52, 58, 63, 86, 105

Rhys ap Tewdwr (Welsh prince) 39

Richard I (English king) 46, 61–4, 119–20

Richard II (English king) 70–1, 95–6, 203

Richard III (English king) 119, 122

Richmond Castle (England) 176–9

riots 62, 189

rivers 43–4, 68, 86, 191, 202

roasts 162–3

Robert I/the Bruce (Scottish king) 88–90

Robert II (Scottish king) 90

Robert (Norman duke) 191

Rochester Castle (England) 65–9

Romans, rotten 14–20, 22

Roses, wars of 102, 106–7, 110, 119, 155

Roundheads 97, 154, 157, 164, 185

Roxburgh Castle (Scotland) 109–11

Royalists 71–2, 154

sacrifices, scary 23

saints 27, 38, 175

Sandal Castle (England) 116–18

Saxons, savage 22, 24–6, 32, 192

scaffolds 147, 149, 157, 189, 191

Sedbar, Adam (English abbot) 131–2

Shakespeare, William (English playwright)

29–30, 48, 194

sieges 44, 63, 65–7, 74, 106–7, 109–15,

169–70, 176, 193

silver 94

skeletons 86–7, 100, 163

Skibo Castle (Scotland) 161–3

skulls 100, 124–6

soldiers, several 16–17, 38, 61, 67, 71, 76,

81, 93, 117, 132, 135, 162, 171, 176–8, 185–6,

189–90, 197, 201, 203

songs 32–3, 102, 116, 145, 174, 191

Spanish Armada 20

spies 146, 200–1

sports 51, 124–6

squirrels 53

stabbings 26, 90, 105, 155, 166, 189–90

stables 155

starvation 38, 82, 96, 136, 164, 170

212

stately homes (country houses) 164, 192–3

Stephen (English king) 43–5

Stirling Castle (Scotland) 123–6

Stuart, Charles Edward (Bonnie Prince

Charlie) 176

Stuarts, slimy 123, 172

suppers 166

swords 32–3, 40, 47, 186, 195

Taillefer (Norman juggler) 32–3

taxes 61, 76, 92

teachers, tired 15, 77–9

Threave Castle (Scotland) 102–5

Tintagel Castle (England) 19–22

toilets, terrifying 40–1, 178

torture 12, 56, 153, 200

Tov, Yom (Jewish rabbi) 62

Tower of London 132, 144, 200–4

towers 62, 114, 178, 203

trains, steam 187

treason 52, 132, 157, 199

trebuchets (siege engines) 74, 115

Tudors, terrible 107, 119, 122–3, 130, 134

tunnels 66, 71, 115, 176–8, 186

Tyler, Wat (English rebel) 92

Urquhart Castle (England) 172–5

Victoria (British queen) 193

Vikings, vicious 25, 27–9, 31, 193

Vortigern (British king) 22–4

Wallace, William (Scottish leader) 88

walls 10, 12, 43, 139, 163

battered 66, 74, 111–15, 138

built 48

and cattle 111, 170

cracked 109, 185

drumming from within 186

of dungeons 55

falling from 53

hangings from 99, 187

heads on 49, 118, 140

people lowered from 44, 139

people thrown from 58–9, 121–2, 130

people walled up alive in 23, 53

toilets in 40

walking on 166

Warkworth Castle (England) 46–9

Warwick Castle (England) 154–6

water 52, 70, 91, 109, 113, 172

weapons 36, 51–2, 109, 112–15, 196

wells 70, 139, 160

wheat 53

wheels 113–14

whips 167, 183

William I/the Conqueror (English king) 31,

33–5, 37–9, 112, 185

William II (English king) 193

William III (English king) 169

wind 36, 38, 115

wine 52, 74

witches 19, 29–30, 53, 87, 151–3, 155, 194–5

workers 187–90

World War Two (WWII) 173, 186, 200

York Castle (England) 61–4, 136

TERRY

DEARY

T

erry Deary was born at

a very early age, so long

ago he can’t remember. But

his mother, who was there at

the time, says he was born

in Sunderland, north-east

England, in 1946 – so it’s not

true that he writes all Horrible

Histories from memory. At

school he was a horrible child

only interested in playing

football and giving teachers a

hard time. His history lessons

were so boring and so badly

taught, that he learned to

loathe the subject. Horrible

Histories is his revenge.

MARTIN

BROWN

M

artin Brown was born

in Melbourne, on the

proper side of the world. Ever

since he can remember he’s

been drawing. His dad used

to bring back huge sheets of

paper from work and Martin

would fill them with doodles

and little figures. Then, quite

suddenly, with food and water,

he grew up, moved to the UK

and found work doing what

he’s always wanted to do:

drawing doodles and little

figures.

COLLECT THEM ALL!